After weeks of those super-hot teaser videos, the 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue has finally been released, and Kate Upton got the cover — again. That makes it three times for the busty blonde. And to celebrate, they apparently made three different covers so you can “collect them all” or something. But since no one would actually ever do that, I’ve got all three for you here, so you can enjoy them all without looking like a big weirdo for buying an armful of the same damn magazine. You’re welcome in advance.
CELEBRITIES > Bikinis
Since I’m such a good guy (stop laughing, I haven’t gotten to the jokes yet), I figured I’d get my loyal readers something nice for Valentine’s Day: like this brand-new set of bikini pictures from supermodel/total pants fire Josephine Skriver. And actually, if you’re ever stuck for a present, this works for pretty much every occasion, birthdays, Christmas, housewarming parties. So enjoy, and you’re welcome.
I know I usually like to rag on these so-called mens’ magazines for doing boring photoshoots. But that must not apply to the international versions. Because trust me, there’s definitely nothing boring about this latest shoot Aussie super-hottie Emily Sears did for Maxim Australia‘s February issue. If anything, the only problem I’ve got with these pictures is that there’s not twice as many of them.
So before you ask, no, Elyse Knowles has no relation to Beyonce. But what this Australian hottie does have is one seriously amazing bikini body. Anyway, I know she’s not as a big of a name in North America as she is Down Under, but I’m telling you, if Elyse keeps delivering smoking hot photoshoots like this, I can pretty much guarantee she’ll be the world’s most famous Knowles in no time.
I just heard on the news that today is supposed to be “Blue Monday,” AKA the most depressing day of the year. So I figured I’d do my part to help put you guys in a better mood this morning by posting this massive bikini photoshoot from Colombian hottie Daniela Lopez Osorio. One look at these and I guarantee you’ll be feeling better in no time. You’re welcome.
Ever since Maria Menounos left Extra, I’ve been waiting to see what she would do next. Maybe her and her perfect Greek booty would get their own spinoff. Or a reality show. But then she went and did something even better: becoming a professional Instagram bikini model. She hasn’t quite gotten the hang of the whole “posting 24/7” thing yet, but she’s got the rest of it down, like the hot wannabe reading list. Just a little constructive criticism, Maria might wanna consider upgrading that fiancé though. Like, say, for a very influential and well-connected blogger. I think it could really do wonders for her new career. Call me!
Christmas may be over, but it’s still the holidays, which means, chances are, most of you guys are probably sitting in an airport right now, or a train station, or crashing in your mom’s basement like yours truly. Point is, wherever you are, you’re probably not in some gorgeous tropical location taking a bikini vacation with Izabel Goulart. So here’s the next best thing: a bunch of pictures and an Instagram video from the Victoria’s Secret babe. Just press your nose up against the screen, get the weirdo sitting next to you to make a few seagull noises and spray water in your face (if they’re not doing that already), and it’ll be just like you’re really there. Enjoy!
Every year, I keep waiting for one of my Twitter girlfriends or future ex-wives to get me a Christmas present, and every year, I don’t get a single dirty selfie sent to my inbox for the holidays. It’s like these ladies don’t even know I exist or something. I know, crazy, right? So anyway, this year, I decided to get myself something for the holidays instead, and since I’m such a nice guy (stop laughing), I figured I’d share it with you guys too. So here’s a new bikini photoshoot from Kara Del Toro. I think you’ll agree, it’s the perfect present for any occasion. You’re welcome.
I don’t know how Esquire Mexico managed to corner the market on busty swimsuit model babes, but first it was Hailey Clauson and now here’s Genevieve Morton showing off her personal floatation devices for their 2017 Swimsuit Edition. I don’t know who else they’ve got in there, but this is already hotter than the last three Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues combined.
Let’s be honest: 2016 pretty much sucked. But thanks to Esquire Mexico, it looks like we’ll be kicking off 2017 right. Because they got one of my new favorite busty blondes Hailey Clauson to do the cover of their 2017 Swimsuit Edition, and these are hands down some of the hottest pictures I’ve seen all year. Here’s hoping they turn this into a monthly thing.
Now that Thanksgiving’s over, we’re officially headed towards winter here in the US, and that sucks. Not because I want to be able to go outside or anything — I’m a blogger, remember? — but because it means fewer beach trips for hot nobodies. But I’ve got good news: it may be getting colder here, but it’s going to be summer soon Down Under. So here’s Aussie model Elyse Knowles doing a killer bikini photoshoot, and here’s hoping she keeps this hotness coming all winter long.
Now that Thanksgiving’s over and you’re done eating turkey and elbowing old ladies out of the way at Walmart for half-price TVs, I’ve got something we can all actually be thankful for: this amazing bikini photoshoot from busty hottie Monica Orlanda. I don’t know much about Monica — maybe she’s Romanian? — but I do know she’s got a killer body. And that’s more than enough for me. Enjoy.
I know I post of a lot of professional Instagram wannabes/pretend bikini models on this site, but for my money, Bryana Holly here is hands down one of the hottest. And no, I’m not just saying that because I’m still trying to convince her to go on a date with me. I’d also be perfectly fine with a one-night stand. I’m not picky. Call me!
Listen, I like Alexis Ren. A lot. She’s probably one of my favorite fake models out there. But I don’t know why she’s so determined to try to become a real model. Being a professional Instagram hottie is a totally respectable job. Plus, she can still call herself a “model” if she wants. Sort of like how I call myself a “writer” when I meet women. Sure, nobody believes it, but that doesn’t stop me. And it shouldn’t stop Alexis either.