I don’t know why Romee Strijd isn’t a bigger name in the supermodel business. Because as far as I’m concerned, she’s just as hot as any of the other Victoria’s Secret models out there. Not to mention, 100 times hotter than so-called models like Bella Hadid. But I guess that just means there’s less competition for me when I ask Romee to marry me via Twitter, which helps my chances. I bet they’re up to 0.0002% by now!
CELEBRITIES > Bikinis
Here’s one of my all-time favorite MILFs Jessica Alba at the beach in Hawaii, and you know, I didn’t think it was supposed to get chilly in Hawaii, but I’m glad to see I was wrong. Because Jessica’s definitely coming down with a classic case of nippleitis here. And I’m pretty sure the only known cure is for the paps to take lots and lots of pictures with their zoom lenses. Enjoy.
In case you forgot to mark it on your calendars, it’s officially the start of my favorite time of year: celebrity hottie beach vacation season. Here’s Adriana Lima showing off that killer bikini booty of hers in Greece, so enjoy. And remember to make the most of it this year. Because pretty soon, it’ll be
fall award show cleavage season before you know it.
Here’s one of my all-time favorite busty blonde hotties Jessica Simpson celebrating her birthday in the best possible way: by lying around on the beach in a bikini while paparazzi with zoom lenses creep on her through the trees. And if this isn’t already part of Jessica’s annual tradition, it should be from now on. Who needs cake and/or presents when you can give your fans the best gift of all, aka a raging pants fire?
I guess Alessandra Ambrosio was actually listening when I said that she needed to spice things up. Because it can’t just be a coincidence that she all of a sudden decided to take a bikini vacation, right?Anyway, I guess I don’t really care why my #1 favorite MILF’s back in a bikini again, I’m just glad that she is. Not to mention that she brought her fellow smoking hot supermodel Ana Beatriz Barros along with her instead of just her kid.
Pretty sure Ariel Winter has officially leapfrogged her Modern Family co-star Sarah Hyland in the sitcom hottie department after this. Because don’t get me wrong, as super-cute as Sarah is, she’s not dropping busty hotness like this on social media on a regular basis. So congratulations Ariel, I’m glad to see at least one of you learned something from Sofia Vergara about the importance of self-promotion.
I have no clue what Ocean Drive Magazine is, or where you can get a copy, but it kind of sounds like the type of thing that’d be buried under four-month-old People Magazines at your dentist’s office. But somehow they managed to get one of my favorite underrated SI swimsuit models Hannah Ferguson for their cover. And trust me, this is one photoshoot you definitely don’t want to miss. And just in case someone already swiped it from your dentist, I’ve got the full thing for you below. Enjoy.
I don’t blame you if you don’t immediately recognize the name Kara Del Toro, but trust me, you’re going to want to get to know her ASAP. Because after this smoking hot bikini photoshoot she did for Beach Bunny, I’m convinced that Kara’s got what it takes to become a household name: a killer body, a willingness to show it off for the cameras, and an endorsement from a very influential and famous celebrity blogger. OK, fine, so technically, she really only needs the first two, but I still want to be able to take credit when Kara’s career blows up. Enjoy.
Here’s my favorite Instagram model Emily Ratajkowski doing what she does best: taking selfies in a bikini and giving us all a serious pants fire. P.S. According to my sources, that’s her mom with her in the second picture, so I guess now we know where Emily gets her natural “talents” from.
Remember those killer Bella Thorne bikini pictures from a few weeks back? Well, today we finally found out what they were for: a new photoshoot Bella was doing for Galore Magazine. Huh. I always just assumed they were part of Bella’s ongoing quest to make my pants region go supernova. Anyway, here’s the end result, and it’s hands down one of the best photoshoots I’ve seen in weeks. So either way, mission accomplished, Bella. Congrats.
According to my sources, Joy Corrigan here is an “Instagram star” — which is really just the polite way of saying someone’s a professional hot nobody in 2016. Anyway, here she is hard at work at the beach in Miami doing a bikini photoshoot and pretending to be a real model. Which is great news if you’ve got a thing for hot nobodies — sorry, “Instagram stars” in bikinis like I do. Enjoy.
Good news: according to my sources (aka Google), I just found that Ava Sambora here (aka Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora’s daughter) is no longer big trouble. Apparently she turned 18 last October, which means you can check out these bikini pictures without having to worry. And in even better news, it looks like Ava definitely takes after her mother in the looks department. Phew. Enjoy!
Meet Brittany Gonzales. According to my sources, she’s a TV host/model — which probably isn’t much of a surprise judging from her killer body in these bikini pictures. But she’s also apparently dating some dude who used to be in Twilight, which I guess isn’t really much of a surprise either, but I’m not gonna lie, I was hoping if she was going to date a D- or F-list celebrity, it’d be yours truly. But I guess he already beat me to it. Oh well. At least we’ve still got bikini pictures to enjoy.
Lindsey Pelas is continuing to make a serious push for my #1 Snapchat hottie status with this latest round of bikini selfies. Although she would’ve gotten even more points if the busty blonde hottie had sent these directly to me, instead of sharing them with the rest of her followers too. But maybe she just hit the wrong button by accident. What? I’m not delusional, it happens sometimes.