Remember Paris Hilton? You know, the OG hot nobody-turned-porn star-turned-“celebrity”… But I guess people haven’t been paying enough attention to her lately, because apparently now she’s starting to act just like every other wannabe fame-seeker out there: signing up for Snapchat and posting mirror selfies. I’d say it’s sad to see how far she’s fallen, but honestly, this isn’t that much different than what she used to do, paying off the paparazzi to follow her every move. And at least this way, we get more bikini pictures out of the deal.
CELEBRITIES > Paris Hilton
I know it’s been a while since I’ve done any new posts on Paris Hilton. Chances are, with all the other Snapchat-wannabes and “professional” Instagram models out there, you probably forgot all about her. I know I did. But you’ve got to respect the trailblazers, and none of those hotties would be half as famous today if it weren’t for Paris making posing in bikinis and having rich parents into a legitimate full-time job. So here’s a few new bikini selfies and sexy pictures from the OG hot nobody, for old times’ sake.
I know we haven’t seen much of Paris Hilton lately, mostly because her 15 minutes of fame are pretty much over. But don’t be fooled by this busty selfie she just posted hoping to restart her clock. It’s just a trick of the light — you know, sort of like what I do to all my dating profile pics to make it look like I don’t live in my mom’s basement. Anyway, so no, Paris didn’t suddenly jump up a few bra sizes. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it. So there you go, Paris, your 15 minutes just got extended by another 30 seconds. Maybe even 45 if I concentrate really hard. Congrats!
Here’s Paris Hilton, aka the OG hot nobody, showing off that cute little cleavage of hers as she celebrates the launch of her new perfume. According to my sources, “Gold Rush” is the 20th fragrance she’s launched. Yes, you read that right: 20. Anyway, in case you’re wondering what this latest one smells like, my guess is “desperation.” But good luck keeping your 15 minutes of fame going, Paris.
I was all set to ignore these pictures of Paris Hilton shopping in Milan with her latest rich douche boyfriend, because as far as I can tell, her 15 minutes of fame are pretty much up. But then I scrolled through and saw that she made sure to bend over and give the paparazzi some thong action. So nevermind, I never should have doubted Paris or her ability to stay famous via a well-timed wardrobe malfunction. All you ladies out there should be taking notes. This is the work of a true pro.
I know Paris Hilton isn’t really an A-list hot nobody anymore these days, not now that we’ve got Insta-famous models like Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid around. But here she is looking nice and leggy on her way into the airport, and I’ll always have a special place in my
heart pants for Paris. It’s just refreshing to see a nobody who got her start in Hollywood the right way: with a sex tape.
I guess Paris Hilton was getting tired of all these wannabe porn stars and “professional models” getting all the attention these days. Because here’s the OG hot nobody doing her very own photoshoot for the latest issue of Paper. And I have to give credit where credit’s due, Paris definitely looks more like a legit model than Bella Hadid or Kylie Jenner. OK, fine, I know that’s not saying much, but I’m not used to giving Paris complaints. It might take me a while to get the hang of it.
Halloween’s always been one of my favorite holidays ever since I was just a Little Tuna and used to overdose on candy. Now that I’m an adult though, I’m much smarter about it. See, I just overdose on pictures of hotties dressed like slutty fill-in-the-blanks instead and give myself a serious pants fire as opposed to a stomach ache. Anyway, I have no clue what Paris Hilton is supposed to be dressed up as here, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say she’s a slutty ex-porn star. Nailed it!
Paris Hilton may not be nearly as famous these days as she used to be, but here’s the OG hot nobody out in London showing that she’s still got it. And by “it,” I mean the ability to show off her pushed-up cleavage for the paps. And I know that some of you cynics out there are probably going to point out that that’s not really much of a skill, but hey, for a D-list celebrity, it’s the only one you really need. So keep up the good work, Paris.
I guess Paris Hilton is looking for more attention these days now that she’s only the world’s second most famous porn star (after Kim Kardashian, that is). Because she showed up to some July 4th party in Las Vegas in a star-spangled bikini. And look, I know I’ve made fun of Paris in the past, but as long as she’s still rocking a bikini, I’m more than happy to help Paris keep her 15 minutes going another 30-45 seconds at a time.
I don’t know if Paris Hilton is still technically considered famous, let alone the “Queen of F*&king Everything,” like her phone says. But I’m still happy to keep her 15 minutes going, as long as she keeps showing up wearing a swimsuit. I just wish she would leave the picture taking to the professionals. No, not the paps. I meant me. I bet my phone takes way better pictures.
I’m always happy to help extend Paris Hilton‘s 15 minutes of fame by another 30 seconds (or 45 if I’m going for a new personal best), so here’s the original hot nobody at the Charbel Zoe Haute Couture store launch in LA, whatever that is. And all I ask in return is that this hotness comeback tour of Paris’ makes a quick stop at my mom’s basement. Again, we’re talking 45 seconds, tops. The way I’ve been keeping her “career” going all these years, I think it’s only fair.
It’s Fashion Week in New York right now, and you might be surprised I know that, considering my idea of “high fashion” is pairing my only sweatpants with a clean T-shirt. But it’s part of my job to know where all the hotties are going to be congregating each week, so I can be properly outraged that I wasn’t invited. Anyway, here’s Paris Hilton backstage and who cares if this pushed-up cleavage of hers probably isn’t real, just like last time? I don’t go up to magicians and try to ruin their tricks. It’s more fun to believe in magic.