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Jessica Simpson’s Boobs Have Peaked

January 30th, 2012

When is Jessica Simpson’s due date? Seriously, the woman looks like she’s big enough to be having quintuplets. Here she is running some errands over the weekend looking like I feel after about eight pints. Gross. The good news is that along with her ever growing belly comes some extra large chesticles. Those things have to be at their limit, they can’t get any bigger than this, they look like they could feed a couple of sets of twins. I’m going to miss them the most.

Photos: PacificCoastNews

Jessica Simpson Is A Giant Waste Of Hotness

January 18th, 2012

I’m not really liking this pregnant Jessica Simpson anymore, enough is enough, she’s absolutely massive and has to be ready to pop any day now. Squeeze the little ankle biter out and get started with the Weight Watcher’s experiment you’ve signed up to so we can get back to the old Jessica we all used to know and love so much. The one that used to contribute to erections, not completely ruin them.

Photos: Fame

Jessica Simpson Is A Huge Star

January 9th, 2012

I know that Jessica Simpson is pregnant and all and, but I realy wasn’t expecting her to get THIS massive. She’s huge!!!! Here she is showing off that gigantic baby bump on the red carpet for something in a dress that really wasn’t designed for this kind of thing. I’m not sure this can really be called a baby bump anymore, maybe a baby mound or a baby explosion, but it’s definitely not a bump anymore. Are we sure she’s not having triplets? I think she’s overindulged with the corn dogs.

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Jessica Simpson’s Breasts Are Irresistible

Photos: WENN.com

Jessica Simpson Is Absolutely Huge

December 22nd, 2011

I was kind of in the mood for a fattie this morning, I guess all the oversized waitresses from last night somehow got into my subconscious, so that’s where these shots of Jessica Simpson come in. Here she is out doing some holiday shopping with her fancy designer tarp covering her massive body. I don’t like it. And as if to add insult to injury, I’ve got a video of Jessica back when her body was absolutely banging. The good old days. This baby has got to get out of there.

*Vote for Jessica Simpson in the 2011 Hollywood Tuna Hottie of the Year Poll

Jessica Simpson when her body was banging

Photos: PacificCoastNews

Jessica Simpson’s Cleavage Is Dangerous

December 2nd, 2011

It looks like Jessica Simpson, her horse-faced sister, some weird looking kid and her massive pregnant breasts spent the day together in New York City. That’s pretty much all I’ve got, other than the fact that I don’t think it’s safe to have a child that close to such ginormous breasts, the kid could accidentally get smothered to death in between those things. Someone call Child Protective Services. I better stick my face in there to make sure it’s safe.

Photos: Fame,WENN.com

Jessica Simpson’s Massive Chubcakes

December 2nd, 2011

I really don’t find pregnant Jessica Simpson all that attractive, I like my women to be without any humans growing inside of them, but I am a big fan of her massive new chubcakes. Look at those things! Awesome. It looks like her chest is pregnant with twins. I just want to feel one of them in my hands, it doesn’t have to be in a sensual way either, I just want to feel their weight. I bet they’re like eight pounds each. Twitter me with the stats please.

Photos: Fame

Jessica Simpson Is Huge

November 22nd, 2011

Here’s the formerly sexy Jessica Simpson rolling her huge self out of an automobile the other day in her best Harley Davidson shirt and fat chick sweatpants. Ugh. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. The good news is that I recently heard a rumor that she’s in talks with Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or one of those lady weight loss programs, so hopefully we’ll be seeing a slimmer hotter Jessica real soon. Try not to lose to much off the sexy front meat please. Thanks.

Photos: PacificCoastNews

Finally, Jessica Simpson’s Pregnant Boobies!!!

November 10th, 2011

I’ve been waiting a long time for this day to come, it’s taken months and months of denial after denial and all kinds of lame turtleneck sweater cover ups, but finally Jessica Simpson has decided now was the right time to show off her big pregnant breasts. Finally! Here she is showing off her big new guns in a sexy Twitter pic. I love it, but don’t keep them all locked up at home, take those big things out on the town and let’s get some high definition shots of those beauties. Stay tuned.

Jessica Simpson Announces She’s A Mummy

November 1st, 2011

In case you couldn’t already tell by her massive protruding belly, Jessica Simpson has announced that she’s pregnant. Shocking. Oh and she dressed up as a mummy for Halloween. Isn’t she clever? Anyhow, I don’t care about any of that, I’m just annoyed that Hilary Duff’s amazing pregnancy hotness has changed my view of pregnant women now. I used to think they were gross and weird looking, but now I expect them all to look as good as Hilary does and it just doesn’t work that way. Sure Jessica looks alright I guess, a little chunkier than I prefer, but she’s just not pulling it off the way Hilary is. Show me your big boobs.

Jessica Simpson On The Toilet

October 27th, 2011

I’m all for hot chicks taking pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror on their mobile phones, but this is not what I had in mind. Apparently this is a picture that Jessica Simpson tweeted of herself the other day… A shot of a pregnant chick on a toilet is not good for anyone. Gross.

Jessica Simpson Shows Off Her Gut

October 26th, 2011

I don’t know what the hell is going on with Jessica Simpson and her alleged on-again off-again pregnancy. She’s clearly more than just a fat ass, there’s a human in there and holding out for $500K to announce it isn’t going to change that. I understand the old wives tale about not telling anyone until after three months because their can be complications, but this is the belly of a woman who’s way further along than that. She’s huge! She must love that she doesn’t have to stuff that thing into four pairs of industrial strength Spanx anymore.

more pictures of Jessica Simpson here

Photos: Fame, WENN.com

Jessica Simpson’s See Through Baby Bump

October 24th, 2011

I’m all for Jessica Simpson see through top pictures, but these are just weird. I see some skin, a bra, and what look like really high waisted maternity pants. Not cool. Obviously she’s pregnant, it’s been one of the worst kept secrets of all time, so covering up her baby bump in some silly high pants is just a waste of time. And a waste of a perfectly good see through top. Maybe now she can stop hiding in her fat girl ponchos. I can’t believe she tried to get $500K for the “exclusive” pregnancy story. Idiot.

Photos: Fame

Jessica Simpson Looks Alright I Guess

October 11th, 2011

In the recent battle of the bulge between Jessica Simpson and Christina Aguilera, I’ve got to say that I think Christina wins this one hands down. Her new extra large physique is just disgusting enough to propel her to victory. Jessica on the other hand is looking pretty damn good in these shots I’ve got of her out the other night. Although, she’s covering up all the soft spots, but I think that’s better than stuffing herself into an inappropriately tight stripper outfit. I’d have to see them side by side in a couple of bikinis to really judge this one correctly. Make it happen girls.

Photos: Fame

Jessica Simpson Hides The Chubcakes

September 15th, 2011

What the hell man? Jessica Simpson looks pregnant again. I thought we were done with all this weight fluctuation nonsense. Is it really too much to ask for my favorite hotties to stay thin and attractive for me while I do absolutely nothing in return? I don’t think so either. Anyhow, here’s Jessica out the other night wearing a nice little pair of denim short shorts, which is awesome I might add, but the maternity-wear animal print top has got to go. No seriously, lose it. We want to see those big chubcakes you’ve got hidden under there.