Julianne Hough is one of those “celebs” that are hot, but somewhat too tame for my taste. Sure she has a great body and is a good dancer, but she needs to smile less and get to some serious Little Tuna teasing. If she wants she can contact me for a step by step guide. I’d be more than happy to give her some coaching. Some chicks need it! Even hot ones.
CELEBRITIES > Julianne Hough
I’ve always been a fan of Julianne Hough. She has an amazing body and she’s damn cutie, but she decided to become a ginger and I’m not a fan. Who does that? Every ginger I know hates their hair color and because of this they over compensate in the sack. Trust me, they’re a fiery bunch. Anyway, let’s hope for visual purposes only, Julianne goes back to being blond cause none of us are going to bang her any time soon.
I don’t know if I ever realized that Julianne Hough and Nina Dobrev were friends before, but thanks to these bikini pictures I just stumbled across, it looks like me and the Little Tuna have got ourselves a brand-new lesbian fantasy. Now, are any of you perverts good with Photoshop? I want to paste my picture over this lucky bastard’s face. Keeping the douchey sailor cap’s optional.
I’m still waiting for Julianne Hough to take me up on my generous offer to help get her more Instagram followers in 45 seconds or less. But until then, I guess she’s deciding to keep doing things the old-fashioned way: posting leggy bikini and workout pictures. It’s no “leaked sex tape with a D-list blogger” but hey, I’ll take it. For now.
So apparently Julianne Hough hit 4 million followers on Instagram yesterday, and in order to celebrate this “momentous” “achievement” she… did a backflip into her pool and held a giant #4 balloon. And that’s cool, I guess? But if Julianne really wants to give all her followers a nice video thank you, she doesn’t need any props. All she needs if a bathroom mirror, a phone and her birthday suit.
At first glance, I could’ve sworn I had seen these pictures before. But I guess this is just what Julianne Hough is doing these days? Posting shots of her booty in a bikini while she leads some lucky bastard around a beach. And don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great. I’m just trying to figure out where I sign up to go next.
I don’t know who Julianne Hough has got on the other end of this camera right now. All I know is, he’s one lucky bastard. Because that view is picture perfect, and no, I’m not talking about the beach. I don’t know about you guys, but I could just sit and stare at it all day long. Or for the next 30-45 seconds at least.
According to my sources, Julianne Hough and her dancer brother Derek are currently putting on their own dance tour, which is pretty damn creepy for a brother and sister act, if you ask me. Just watch the video if you don’t believe me. But remember, I’m a professional blogger who still lives with my mother, so pretty sure that makes me an authority on creepy. Crap. Wait. Nevermind that, ladies. If you want to get together and grind like Julianne and Derek, let me know. …OK, that was still creepy, wasn’t it? Dammit.
Normally, I only like to do posts on Julianne Hough when she’s wearing her workout gear, but I’m always willing to make an exception for bikini pictures. So I was pretty psyched to see these latest shots from our favorite professional exerciser. That is, until I looked a little closer and saw they were for her bachelorette party. And now I’m not sure what to be more upset about — that Julianne’s going to marry/divorce someone else, or that she didn’t hire yours truly to be the official bachelorette photographer. Not only does my phone take great pictures, but I also know all of Julianne’s best angles. Come on!
There should be a law that Julianne Hough is not allowed to leave the house without her fitness attire. Someone please make a petition because this stupid outfit is not working for me one bit. Here she is at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards wearing and over-sized doily. God damn awful.
I knew I shouldn’t have made fun of Julianne Hough for always hitting the gym and wearing leggings 24/7. Because now here she is walking around LA in real clothes. The horror. No stomach peek, no nothing. Just a way less satisfying leg show than we’re used to. Sorry everybody, this one’s on me. Let’s just hope Julianne gets back to the gym ASAP, because this girl was born to wear skintight spandex.
I probably don’t have to tell you guys that Julianne Hough is on her way back from the gym in these pictures, considering that’s the only place we ever seem to see her these days. (Well, except for last month’s amazing bikini vacation.) Anyway, normally Julianne gives us a better peek at her stomach than this, and I’d complain, but I’ve already got it pretty much committed to memory by now. But in case you don’t, that’s why we’ve got the archives. Enjoy.