I know I like to make fun of Sara Jean Underwood a lot for getting her loyal perverts — sorry, fans — to crowdfund her world travels, but honestly, good for her. I’d do it too, if I could somehow convince a bunch of dudes living in their mom’s basements to pay me a set fee every month for access to pictures they could get for free with a little creative Googling. When you think about it, Sara’s kind of a business genius. Forget making fun of her. I should be asking if she wants to be my new CFO.
CELEBRITIES > Sara Jean Underwood
I haven’t done a post on Sara Jean Underwood in a while because turns out she doesn’t like me very much. I think it has to do with the fact that I find it ridiculous that she has a Patreon page and asks her “fans” to fund her lavish lifestyle in exchange for exclusive content. Now just because I find it ridiculous doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do it either. That is if I was a hot chick who never had to work a day in her life. Remember this. There is no white privilege. There is only hot privilege. And if you’re not hot, better figure a way to make a lot of cash so that you can find a hottie to have your kid to clean up your gene pool. That goes for you ugly chicks too.
I know I like to make fun of Sara Jean Underwood and her whole crowdfunding her do-nothing hot nobody lifestyle, but I’ve got to give her credit: she definitely knows how to celebrate the Fourth of July. And I know the flag technically isn’t supposed to touch the ground and all that, but I’m pretty sure the founding fathers would be willing to make an exception for this flag bikini if Sara wanted to take it off for some post-Fourth of July fireworks. I know I would. Yow.
It’s been at least a week since we last heard from Sara Jean Underwood, so I figured it was probably time to check back in and see how her new career as a professional travel “blogger” is going. And here you go: a GIF of Sara pretending two flowers are her funbags. I bet all you guys who contributed to her on Patreon are feeling very good about your investment right about now.
Looks like Sara Jean Underwood is still busy traveling the world thanks to funding from gullible perverts like you. And listen, I’m not going to complain, because as long as we’re getting regular doses of sexy pictures, I really don’t care who funds these expensive beach trips — a rich sugar daddy, a bikini company, random dudes on the Internet. It’s a great investment either way.
Sara Jean Underwood is still working hard taking pictures of herself in beautiful locations and asking us stupid idiots to fund her expensive trips. Anyway, if idiots are willing to pay, then good for her. I just wish with all that hiking, her booty would shrink a couple sizes. It’s getting a little too juicy for me.
I know I like to make fun of Sara Jean Underwood for convincing her loyal
perverts fans into crowdfunding her hot nobody do-nothing lifestyle, but honestly, I guess it’s not all that different than getting some rich billionaire to do it. And at least this way, the rest of us get to benefit from all these busty pictures too. So make sure to keep donating, guys. We’re all counting on you.
I’m too lazy to look up how Sara Jean Underwood‘s quest to crowdfund her hot nobody lifestyle is going (also, I’d rather just look at these pictures instead). But judging from these shots, somebody’s gotta be paying for all these expensive trips to exotic locations. And that got me thinking, if it’s working for Sara, maybe I should start a crowdfunding page of my own, and then I can finally get that new pair of sweatpants I need. Don’t laugh. Fresh sweatpants are essential to me doing this job. Mostly because then I won’t always get kicked out of coffee shops for violating their no pants, no service policy.
In case you missed it, it looks like Sara Jean Underwood has given up on trying to score a rich guy to help fund her expensive do-nothing lifestyle. Because now she’s trying to get the Internet to be her sugar daddy by using super-hot bikini pictures taken in exotic locations to help crowd-fund pricey trips so she can… take even more super-hot pictures to share online. I don’t know how exactly that’s supposed to work, but look, I’ve seen a lot of dumb get-rich-quick schemes over the years. And honestly, as long as this keeps Sara hard at work taking pictures like this, this one sounds way better than that Nigerian prince who’s still supposed to Paypal me back my millions.
So I guess Sara Jean Underwood decided to give up on her plan to
trap seduce a rich boyfriend via Instagram and Twitter, and it’s on to Plan B. And unfortunately, that isn’t settling for a C-list blogger who lives with his mom. Instead, she’s apparently starting a Patreon to try to get her loyal perverts fans to fund her do-nothing hot nobody lifestyle. Huh. I never realized you could do that. I always thought Patreon was for real artists. But maybe I should start one myself. My sweatpant and Kleenex fund is running a little low…
Out of all the hot nobodies and Insta-wannabes I post on this site, I’m pretty sure Sara Jean Underwood has to be my favorite. So I have no clue how she hasn’t managed to land herself a rich boyfriend/meal ticket yet. Come on. Just look at how elegant and classy she is! What rich billionaire wouldn’t be interested in this? I mean, if spreading your legs in a bikini and pouring bottled water all over yourself isn’t classy, then I guess I just don’t know what is.
I don’t know how I missed it, but apparently it was Sara Jean Underwood‘s birthday a few weeks back, and it turns out she celebrated in the best possible way: by taking a bikini vacation with a few of her hot friends and then posting a bunch of sexy pictures online. So, in other words, it was pretty much just another normal workday for a professional hot nobody like Sara. No wonder I didn’t notice right away.
Looks like I may have spoke too soon when I said Sara Jean Underwood had found herself a new rich boyfriend/meal ticket. Because there’s only two reasons a hot nobody posts this many topless pictures online: A) to find herself a new sugar daddy and B) to get featured on Hollywood Tuna. So Sara’s one for two, at least.
Alright, so I know yesterday I was saying that Sara Jean Underwood must still be looking for a new rich boyfriend/sugar daddy. But after this latest round of bikini hotness, I’m starting to get worried she might’ve actually found one. Because I don’t know how much being a professional Instagram model pays, but I’m 99% sure it’s not enough to cover a beach vacation this nice. Damn! And just when I was so close to finally hitting seven figures. (In expired McDonald’s coupons, that is…)