Not to call Vogue out for false advertising or anything, but I don’t know if I’d call Kate Upton the “hottest supermodel on Earth.” And especially not after a spread like this. Don’t get me wrong, these pictures aren’t bad, but if Kate wants to convince me that she’s hotter than Helen Flanagan, not to mention the rest of the modeling world, she’s gonna have to do better than this. And a few bikini candids sent to my inbox would be a nice start.

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Apparently just about every hottie around was at the MET Gala the other night, I guess my invitation must’ve gotten lost in the mail. Because obviously Kate Upton broke out the cleavage to try and impress me after I’ve been saying for weeks that I prefer Helen Flanagan instead. Anyway, it’s a nice try and I appreciate the effort, but it’s still not enough to make me change my mind. Maybe seeing her back in a bikini would help. It definitely wouldn’t hurt.

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Photos:WENN.com

Since I’ve fallen deeply in love with Helen Flanagan, Kate Upton no longer has the same effect on me. You see, I only have room for one big naturally breasted blond and Helen is by far much hotter. I know some may argue with me, but trust me you’re wrong! Remember, I’m the boss around here. Anyway, that doesn’t mean Kate should be ignored. That said, here she is in the latest Korean Allure Magazine in a swimsuit. Enjoy.

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To make up for that otherwise awesome video of Kate Upton rolling around topless and in a bikini that got ruined by Ken Jeong, here’s the busty blonde beauty on the set of some movie called The Other Woman with Leslie Mann. Considering the way Kate’s rocking those Daisy Dukes and that she’s a good 10 years younger than Leslie, I’m going to go ahead and assume that she’s the other woman in question here. And that that’s one lucky dude. I’d be happy with just one of them. Preferably Kate, of course.

» view all 29 photos

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Photos: PacificCoastNews, WENN.com

Did you guys know that in addition to being a smoking hot model, Kate Upton also has a sense of humor? At least I think that’s what all those “funny” ads she’s been in have been trying to prove. Anyway, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said I hoped to see more of Kate this year, but GQ had Ken Jeong photobomb her latest shoot. And even though the video unfortunately focuses way more on a topless Ken Jeong than the topless Kate Upton, at least it’s actually funny. So it’s not a total waste of Kate’s hotness.

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I guess Kate Upton didn’t hear me when I called Helen Flanagan the next her, because here she is at the Samsung Spring launch event hardly busting out at all. I mean, sure, she’s wearing a see-through shirt, but if Kate wants to keep her title as Hollywood Tuna’s reigning favorite busty blonde hottie, she’s going to have to step her game up with either a little more cleavage or lot less bra. Otherwise I’m going to have to start calling her “the old Helen Flanagan.” Consider this fair warning.

» view all 17 photos

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Photos: WENN.com

The Kate Upton goodness continues today with this shoot for Sam Edelman. I’m guessing it’s for shoes, because I’m perceptive like that, but if you ask me, these are hotter than most of the shoots Kate does for magazines. Sports Illustrated aside, of course. Anyway, enjoy. And try not to get too distracted by all the shoes.

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I have no clue what the hell Skullcandy is, apparently they sell headphones and have this series called Take A Supermodel To Work. But as long as they’ve got Kate Upton working for them, I’m obviously interested. Still, I think they missed the point here. They tried to make some funny promotional video with Kate, when they should’ve just had her sexy dancing in headphones for the full 3 and a half minutes instead. It’s OK, just a rookie mistake. I’m sure they’ll get it next time.

This isn’t exactly what I was expecting from a video called “Kate Upton Washes the All-New Mercedes-Benz CLA in Slow Motion.” Where’s the bikini? And more importantly, where’s Kate Upton getting all wet and soapy? Instead, it’s just her standing around looking hot while a bunch of dudes wash a car. In slow motion. I thought there were rules against false advertising. Somebody deserves to get fired over this.

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