Now that Helen Flanagan’s a brunette, it opened up a chance for Kate Upton to reclaim her crown as my favorite busty blonde model. But I’m sorry, I just don’t think this new spread from Vogue is going to do it. Because not only was I expecting something a lot less classy and a lot more busty, but that “behind-the-scenes” video below also pretty much turned me off. Just watch it and you’ll see what I mean. For one, she’s kind of a terrible actress, and two, that definitely isn’t how my fantasy of there being three Kate Uptons would go.
CELEBRITIES > Kate Upton
Now that Helen Flanagan‘s gone ginger, that’s good news for Kate Upton, because it means she can go back to being my favorite busty blonde model again. And she’s got a good shot at hanging onto the title for a while if she keeps showing up looking like this. Because as much as I dig Kate’s bikini pictures, she somehow manages to look just as hot in a pair of tight jeans and a t-shirt. I guess it’s true what they say: it’s what’s underneath that counts.
*Update: Sorry, I guess I was drunk or something, because after closer inspection, this is definitely not Kate Upton. But whoever it is, hey, I’d still hit it.
Today’s a very special day here at the site, because the new 50th anniversary Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is finally out. And for a professional bikini blogger like me, it’s sort of like getting a second Christmas. Only even better, because it means I get to drool over ridiculously hot bikini pictures all day instead of spending time with my dumb family. Anyway, for those of you who are still a little bummed that Kate Upton didn’t make the cover this year for her third in a row, these are for you. Then go check out the rest of the pics here.
Because the Super Bowl’s in New York (OK, technically New Jersey) this year, and Kate Upton is the hottest model from
New York New Jersey right now, Vogue got her to do a Super Bowl-themed shoot for their latest issue. So she posed with a bunch of Jets and Giants players, because I guess somebody forgot to tell the people at Vogue that neither of those teams are actually in the Super Bowl this year. Anyway, Kate looks great as usual, but I’m guessing I’m not the only one who would’ve preferred seeing her with her shirt off in the locker room instead of Victor Cruz. Oh well, maybe next year.
So this year is the 50th anniversary of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue apparently, and to celebrate they threw a big party where Kate Upton busted out big time. Considering Kate’s been kinda covered up lately, I’m guessing this happened because she knows she’s in danger of losing this year’s cover to Nina Agdal. And as much as I still want Nina to win, I figure there’s no harm in a little friendly competition. Especially if it means a good old fashioned cleavage war. I’d say may the best woman win, but who cares? We all win no matter what.
So V Magazine decided to celebrate their Spring Preview issue by getting the always reliably busty Kate Upton into lingerie for the cover. They’ve got an extremely promising headline too: “Why can’t Kate Upton keep her clothes on?” So it’s safe to say you should be pretty excited for the rest of the shoot. That said, is that headline supposed to be a rhetorical question or something? Isn’t the answer obvious? It’s because everyone’s always begging Kate to take them off. Present company included.
Looks like there was yet another big celebrity party I wasn’t invited to last night, because I can’t be trusted to follow dress code or around hot models and an open bar. This time, it was the 30th annual Night of Stars, and speaking of dress code, I think Kate Upton must’ve missed something in the invitation. Because as good as those funbags look stuffed into a tight dress, everybody knows her cleavage is the real star here. And I’m probably just as bummed as the organizers that she didn’t bring it. Who can’t be trusted now, huh?
First off, I want to apologize. I’m sure this isn’t the “massive breakout” you were hoping for from Kate Upton, and I feel your pain. Obviously, we’d all rather see Kate busting out of some low-cut top than with a face full of pimples. Except for maybe her biggest competition in the busty blonde model category Helen Flanagan, and any perverts out there with an acne fetish. Anyway, to the rest of you though, sorry, but I gotta report the news. After all, I’m a serious journalist. Don’t laugh, that wasn’t supposed to be a punchline.
I don’t know much about this movie Mademoiselle C, but since Kate Upton showed up for the Paris premiere stuffed into a nice tight dress, it’s pretty big news as far as I’m concerned. Apparently it’s some boring fashion documentary, and while I’ll admit that I don’t know much about fashion, I know what I like. And right now I’d like this dress of Kate’s a lot more without all that lace obscuring our view of her funbags. Just a little constructive criticism.
If you ever fantasized about bumping into Kate Upton somewhere, charming her with jokes about pants fires and bringing her back to your mom’s place, like I do, then these pictures are probably gonna be a disappointing snap back to reality for you too. Because as good as Kate looks here just walking down the street, as you can see, she’s also surrounded by an entourage of dudes and paparazzi everywhere she goes. Which means I guess it’s back to the more realistic Plan B: seducing Kate over Twitter. Wish me luck.
If you ever looked at Kate Upton, correctly realized that she was way out of your league, and then wondered if maybe she had a less famous but almost as hot sister, you’re in luck. Because here’s pictures of Kate and Christie Upton after watching men’s tennis at the US Open, proving that hotness does run in the family. Obviously Christie wasn’t quite as genetically blessed as her sister, but still, I definitely wouldn’t mind playing hide the sausage with those two. What, did you expect me to say playing doubles? Because that would be way less fun. I’m terrible at tennis.
Don’t get me wrong, Kate Upton is gorgeous, but if I had a choice I’m going to go with the woman with experience! Especially when they look this good. It’s unreal. I don’t think there is another lady on the planet who looks as good as Christie Brinkley does at age 59. Anyway, here they are at the 2013 Style Awards.
Here’s one of my favorite hot blondes Kate Upton in a spread for Vanity Fair‘s special 100 year anniversary issue. And while I can’t think of a better person than Kate to help them celebrate the milestone with a busty photoshoot, I don’t get why these magazines are always going for the whole Marilyn Monroe pin-up girl look with her. I know it might be “classier,” but with a girl like Kate, all you need to do is get her in a bikini or lingerie and then ditch the top. Don’t overthink it.
Now here’s a lesbian fantasy I’d never pictured before: Kate Upton and Lily Aldridge. I’m not sure what the two ridiculously hot supermodels were doing walking around New York City together, and I’m too lazy to try to find out. So instead, I’m just going to assume that the rumors I’m currently starting in my head are true, and Kate and Lily are the latest Tuna-approved celebrity couple. Congratulations ladies.