ARCHIVES > July, 2005

SERENA YOU ARE NOT HOT!!!!!

July 31st, 2005

Sorry Tuna loyals, but I had to share with you Serena Williams’ big ass. I am so tired of this chick thinking she is something special in the looks catagory. She models, she’s a fashion designer, she basically does it all. She does nothing for me, nor should she for you.

I hope I make a lot of posts to move this off the page.

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Eva Is A Wannabe Pedophile Dream Date

July 30th, 2005

Eva Longoria Marriage Rumours

But what’s no secret to anyone is that the “Desperate Housewives” actress is romantically involved with basketball star TONY PARKER of the San Antonio Spurs.

What’s no secret is that Eva Longoria looks like a 12 year old boy. Whoever this Tony Parker is, he is one sick freak. Actually, everyone in the United States, are sick fucks for liking this show. I’m moving to France! There you will find women that look like women. I don’t care if they backed down to the Germans in WWII.

Eva Longoria Baseball

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Mariah, Say It Ain’t So

July 29th, 2005

Mariah Carey On Boat

Someone put Mariah Carey on a treadmill please. Damn you Mariah! All those good things I have said about you. I have been talking you up here on Hollywoodtuna and this is how you repay me by getting chunky and fat.

Fuck it, I can’t be mean to Mariah. I love that fucked up chick way too much. Her mental illnesses give me an erection. Sorry Mimi. Marry me!

Mimi Shake It Off Video

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Jessica Simpson Morphed Tranny

July 29th, 2005

Jessica Simpson Premiere

All my bitches are going bad. What happened to Jessica Simpson. She is turning into a man. Her face is more chiseled than Arnold Schwarzenegger left pectoral in the late 70′s. She looks like a drag queen lately. I am glad she is staying fit and working out but that too can become an obsession. These chicks are weird. Sometimes I wish I could be gay. Men do not fluctuate like women do. We may gain 5 to 10 LBS a year but that’s it. I could never be gay, I once saw an old man in the shower at the gym bend over and that was enough for me to confirm my heterosexuality. Gross!

Jessica Simpson Dukes of Hazzard Premiere

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Kelly Ripa, Does Not Lie

July 28th, 2005

Kelly Ripa TV Guide

I can’t find the source but I think it was an article in TV Guide. Kelly Ripa was saying that she was embarrased to go swimming or be a cheerleader (if anyone knows where this article is let me know) when in high school because she was too heavy. She was 125 or 128 LBS. I have to agree. I think that is fat for a 5’2-5’4 woman. Fat people are making a stink that she is looking thin. She works out! She is toned. Why can’t fat people accept this. Let her be. The most unactractive quality in a female is one who does not workout and live a healthy lifestyle. Screw fat chicks and the “I love some junk in my trunk attitude”. If you are 5’2 you should be max 115lbs. No emails please.

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Ps. The Rss feed and MyYAhoo is still wrong do not add yet!

Hilary Duff, What A Talent

July 27th, 2005

Hilary Duff Singing Live

Awww.. it’s so cute. Look at little new aneroxic Hilary Duff pretending to sing in front of people. I remember when I was in elementary school. I think I was in grade 4 and I was going to get in front of the whole school to sing Summer Of 69 by Brian Adams. Actually, I lip sang the whole tune. I felt soooo cool, and boy was I cute. News Flash, it’s not cool when your 18 or whatever age this dummy is. Honestly, it makes me sick. I think the Government should take action. Just like steroids in sports. No more cheating people out of their hard earned money. Prove you can sing! I swear I will cut off my right nut sack if ya can. In front of a television audience.

Hilary Duff Singing

ps. Sorry my background has disappeared. I will get that fixed tomorrow!

New Server

July 27th, 2005

Alright! So now I got the site on a new server. However, some links are messed up and MyYahoo and RSS feeds are messed up. Friends will be added shortly. I have not forgotten about you guys. Nothing goes as planned. Thanks for your patience.

Eminem Headed For Retirement, Thank Goodness

July 26th, 2005

Eminem Retiring

NEW YORK - Is Eminem headed for retirement “” or just taking a break? Earlier this month, reports from his hometown of Detroit quoted sources as saying the 32-year-old rapper would play his last concert at Slane Castle in Dublin, Ireland, on Sept. 17, at the end of “Anger Management” tour.

It’s about time. I am so sick of this clown and his terrible music. Anyone, who thinks Eminem is a good rapper, should really get their head check. My two year old niece can rap about poop and pee. Vanilla Ice, is the real deal. Eminen should be licking his ass for opening the door for him. The whole state of rap is terrible. I wish real musicians would rap and actually play their own instruments. It’s all about marketing and perception nowadays.

We all know that he is not retiring. Just a stupid publicity stunt to make more money. Any true musician does not retire. It’s a life long commitment. You bleed for your music.

Brad Pitt, Crazier Than Tom Cruise!

July 17th, 2005

Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt Adopting

Everyone is talking about how crazy Tom Cruise is lately. The real nut in Hollywood is Brad Pitt. This clown cheats on his wife Jennifer Anniston with Angelina Jolie. You might think that he is stepping up. Ooooh Angelina she is so hot, sexiest woman on the planet blah blah blah. Fuck that! This chick is a complete nutcase. She use to fuck Billy Bob Thorton. Imagine you’re in bed with Angelina, and your going down on her. Her legs are wide open. Then you think to yourself, “Billy Bob Thorton’s old nasty cock has been in here” Then you look up at her neck line and see a vile of Billy’s blood around her neck. Gross.

You’ll see after she adopts 10 more kids, they will all become serial killers. Chicks a wacko!

Hollywoodtuna is Back!

July 16th, 2005

Well, it’s been two weeks freakos and I apologize for taking so long. Although visually the site looks similiar, it’s alot more user friendly. You can save my feed now through a news reader instead of visiting the site all the time. I have not been paying much attention to the news lately. It’s summer here and whores are everywhere. But don’t worry, I will be giving you all new Tuna daily now. Thanks for your patience!

Pam Anderson: A True Role Model

July 16th, 2005

Pam ANderson Drunk

One day, I will be lucky and find myself a stunning blond like Pamela Anderson. She will have big fucked up tits that look like ripply fun bags. She will also have to have Hepatitis C, and be a big boozer. She will attend functions dressed like a whore, and have a sweaty ass(check small thumbnail).This is my dream. Oh ya, she has to be rich and have children.

Pamela Anderson Sweaty Ass

Lindsay Lohan, Poor Little Cokehead

July 16th, 2005

Lindsay Lohan Herbie Premier

Miss Lohan, my ex girlfriend, had a little hissy fit at the Herbie Premiere. She was upset that her song “First” was not played during a specific part of the movie. She stormed out. Poor fucking baby.
I want to raise 15 million and offer Lindsay Lohan(she will need the money one day I promise you) to sing the National Anthem in front of 50 000 spectators and a tv audience. This whore cannot sing. I bet my right testical on it. I saw a clip of her new video. It’s retarted, each move is so contrived. She is also a terrible actress. The only thing she is good for is to do lines off her titties. Ooops, she doesn’t have titties anymore. Fuck her!

Lindsay Lohan Herbie Cleavage

Cameron Diaz, Not Anorexic!

July 16th, 2005

Cameron Diaz On Beach

I just don’t get it! Why can’t chicks stay at the same weight. What’s with all this weight fluctuation. I think from now on, I will only date Porn Stars, because they have to work all the time and look good on camera. If I was Cameron Diaz’s boyfriend, I would’t be caught dead on the beach with her looking like that. My grandmother has a better body than her, she’s 101. Eeeesh! She needs a good two weeks of blow and intense cardio.

Cameron Diaz Ass Bikini

Sofia Vergara, Is A Sweet Fat Chick

July 16th, 2005

Sofia Vergara Huge Breast Cleavage

OK, OK she is not fat, she is actually pretty hot for a chunky girl. Or is she chunky? I am so use to these skinny celebs, I don’t know what is what anymore. Can someone help me? I was at a bar on Saturday and a chick similiar to Sofia hit me up, and I flat out rejected her. I then got hit up by some skinny broad(yum), but now i am questioning my decision. Hmmm? Sofia may be normal. I don’t know! I am so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lords Of Dog Town

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