You know it’s going to be a long day when Eva Longoria is on the front page of Yahoo. Please no more! I beg everyone to stop making something out of nothing. She’s not talented or pretty. She’s an average little girl. That show has got to end. “Jesus, I know you can hear me and I know we’re tight. Please cancel Desperate Housewives. I don’t ask for much, so you can do me this one tiny favor. Amen. Oh ya! While you’re at it, end world hunger.”

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The British tabloids call Jodie Marsh “The Human Viagra” . Wow! I don’t know what to say. Between Jordan and Jodie, I’ve come to the conclusion that British people are ripping off our sleazy woman. If Jodie is the “Human Viagara” they should prescribe her to men that have difficulty getting erections. It’s not like this chick hasn’t been used by 1000 other men. That’s the only reason why we know who she is. I think I’m going to close this site and start a Tuna Modelling Agency. That way I can be the first to…. you know. Test out the “talent”.

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Yummy! Scarlett Johansson is much hotter as a brunette.

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It’s always a pleasure to post my favorite anorexic coke head. I think Lindsay Lohan is now promoting lipstick or she’s about to perform oral on the photographer. Please tell me this is an ad and not some artististic photo shoot. The only time I’ve seen lips that red was when my father took me to a “special” place when I was 15 years old. Ahh… those were the days. Unfortunately, Lindsay is a bit cuter than the broad that made me a man. She’s also cuter than the second broad that made me a man, but definately not cuter than the third broad that I made a woman! Hi Angie. HAHAHA

Feed Paris to the Birds

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Everyday I get emails from people telling me what to write or who I should put up. I just got this email and this time someone actually took the time to write something. I want to introduce you to Sal The Angry Salmon . He’s Bitter, he’s rude and he’s always right.

The former Baywatch babe, who is currently single after dating actor Stephen Dorff and rocker Kid Rock, admits she keeps nasty e-mails sent by ex-boyfriends to remind her that the men in her life can often make her think they love her when they don’t.

Pamela Anderson only realizes what kind of men she dates AFTER she breaks up with them. Let’s get serious Pamela. Are you trying to tell me that you had no idea what you were getting yourself into when you hooked up with Tommy Lee? The guy’s a fucking tattooed drug addict who’s so hard up for cash now that he had to go back to school! Just admit the fact that you wanted to ride some Rocker and that you didn’t care if he gave you hepatitis a ““through-z! After a few years with Tommy Longcock you decided to call it quits. Good choice, you can do better. Meet Kid Rock. Our friendly neighbourhood prescription drug addict who just plain sucks. You went from being stuffed by Tommy Lee , day in and day out to some 2-bit fucktard who prides himself on being raised in a trailer park? Tsk tsk tsk”¦.Pammy, I expected more. We all did! What pains me is that in the article I read you came across as someone who thought you were actually engaging in a healthy, stimulating relationship. Oh there was stimulation alright. The kind that has you dressed like a Saigon hooker offering disgruntled GI’s 3 dollar blowjobs! We all know you’re a skank and that’s why we love you! There is no need to try and fool us with this nonsense. Embrace your groupie tendencies and be proud that you have no qualms about dropping to your knees and blowing a guy so long as he can roll out a killer drum solo, or in Kid Rocks case, hold a guitar.

Sal The Angry Salmon

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Desperate Housewives actress Eva Longoria has beaten off competition from Jennifer Aniston to be voted the sexiest TV beauty of all time. The 30-year-old Latina, who claims she was the “ugly duckling” of her family growing up, was honoured for her sexy performance as Gabrielle Solis in the hit US drama. Aniston, who played Friends’s Rachel Green for ten years, came second in the survey by British supermarket Sainsbury’s, followed by Sex And The City’s Kim Cattrall as man-eating Samantha Jones in third place. The Top Five Sexiest Female TV Stars Of All-Time are: 1. Eva Longoria - Desperate Housewives 2. Jennifer Aniston - Friends 3. Kim Cattrall - Sex And The City 4. Pamela Anderson - Baywatch 5. Sarah Michelle Gellar - Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

You got to be kidding me! Eva has been on TV for one year and she’s considered sexiest of all time? Eva’s face reminds me of a rat. A few years back, I was sleeping in my old apartment when I felt something move on my bed. I opened my eyes and there was this huge rat next to my face. I ran out of my apartment half naked and never returned. Everytime I see Eva, she gives me flashbacks to that day. If they would have said Heather Locklear, Daisy Duke or even fucking Wilma Flintstone I wouldn’t disagree. I swear some magazines publish the worst crap.

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When I was a kid, I went to see Clueless starring Alicia Silverstone. Remember the fat geeky girl who ended up with the skater dude? It’s Brittany Murphy. I never knew that until my friend pointed it out to me yesterday. That’s how clueless I am. I’m in disbelief. This can’t be true. That’s one of the nicest ass shots ever. Wow! Brittany Murphy has the fat gene. I guess she discovered the Hollywoodtuna Diet a long time ago.

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This pic is not safe for work…… or for humanity at that matter! Click at your own risk!

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After watching the awards last night, I’ve come to the conclusion that August 28th, 2005 was the worst day in music history. Record labels are making a big mistake feeding our kids this crap. If you are an independent artist this is a great time for you guys. Whatever you do, do not sign with a major. These musicians or whatever you call what you saw last night, don’t give a shit about music. They only care about dollars and cents. I remember the days when hip hop was about the street and rock was about attitude. Now Hip Hop is about what you wear or how big of a diamond ring you have and rockers are just weak posers. I’m a huge music fan and my mission now is to bring down the music industry. I can’t do it alone. I need your help. Tell all your friends about this site and together we can make a change. Stop buying music! Download it illegally.

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The see-thru thing is getting old. Seems like every year some no talent is always showing up wearing barely anything. I’m not complaining but just come nude. I once thought Paulina was hot. Not anymore. Enjoy your last time here baby. You’re done.

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This was the worst piece of crap I’ve ever watched. I don’t know where to start. Diddy you suck! Lip synching fuckers suck! Coldplay you suck but at least you don’t lip sync. My Chemical Romance take off the makeup cause you guys suck. The Killers, you got ripped off and for that you suck. 50 Cent stop mumbling and starting “wars” you suck! Jamie Foxx you suck! Green Day you suck for attending this shindig. Rock sucks! Rap Sucks! I’m moving to Europe cause their music sucks but not as bad as the music sucks here. What a waste of a night. I passed up getting laid for this shit. I suck!

To Be Continued….

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Tonight, everyone under the age of 15 will be watching the MTV VMA’s. I think I may watch it as well. I’m looking forward to The Killers. I hope they play ‘All These Things That I’ve Done’ and have a choir behind them. That song got soul and is well written. If it can make my grandmother dance, it must be good.

Here’s some brand spanking new pics of Carmen Electra Pre-Mtv Awards. Lately, I’ve been putting up so many pics of plastic looking chicks that I’m getting a rash.

5 min later

Fuck me! Just got an email. Carmen has a pantie liner on! Is it that time of the month? I guess you don’t get one week off a month anymore for stripping. Don’t they make black liners? Let me know.

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Yahoo- The Death Row Records founder, who has been at the center of some of hip-hop’s most violent moments, was shot in the leg early Sunday morning at a party thrown by Kanye West and attended by stars including Jessica Alba, Eddie Murphy, Paris Hilton, the Game and The Black Eyed Peas.

Suge Knight got shot! I didn’t see that one coming. Luckily, no one was killed. However, these gangstas have a terrible shot. I mean Suge is a big target and the guy hits his leg. What a clown. Kids, if you decide to be a criminal, don’t be a gangsta. Join the mafia or a biker gang (organize crime). They don’t make mistakes. If they want you dead, you’re not walking away with a wound to the leg.

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It’s Saturday night and I slept from 5AM to 9PM. I’m completely exhausted. I checked my email and got hold of these pics of Traci Bingham. I know she’s a nobody but she does things to me like no other woman. I hate looking at her because she is everything I ever wanted in a slut. Eventually, I would like to settle down but before I do, I want to hit up as many Traci’s as possible. Maybe tonight! Actually, screw it. I ‘m not in the mood. Maybe after a shower.

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