The Horse Is Dead. Shoot It Already, Britney (CelebNewsWire)
ARCHIVES > May, 2006
Here are pictures of Christina Aguilera at an Aldo photo shoot. As you can see, she’s not wearing her trademark red lipstick. I can’t explain how much better I think her lips look without it. I’m actually turned on because she went from looking like a street hooker with the lipstick on, to a classy porn star with the lipstick off.
Yesterday, it was reported that Mariah Carey had her legs insured for over a billion dollars now that she’s fronting Gillette’s Legs Of A Goddess campaign. I don’t know why this is such big news; I mean, if you’re rich you can pretty much insure anything you want. Anyhow, judging from these three week old Mariah Carey bikini pictures, I’m surprised that she was chosen to to be a leg model. Let’s be honest, her legs are not one of her best features. If anything, she should be insuring her breasts but I’m sure she has that taken care of too.
Halle Bery has been looking mighty good lately. Especially last week in Cannes when she was wearing that low cut dress which showed off her awesome cleavage. You know, she is actually one of the few celebs that look just as good without make up as she does with make up. Don’t just take it from me; look at that expression of the little dude walking by her in the second picture. I think he’s grown 3 inches since she passed by.
Today is a lucky day for all you Joss Stone fans. All 20 of you. That’s because she’s in a skimpy bikini drinking beer in Barbados. I’m not too familiar with Joss Stone but I think she hit it big at 16 because her voice sounded like some other famous person’s voice but because she was so young they called her gifted. Personally, I think she looks good in a bikini. So she does have some talents.
I have a dream. And in that dream, Petra Nemcova and I are stranded on a desert island with very little clothing. There’s also an endless supply of the best champagne, which we drink all day while feeding each other strawberries. When the sun sets, 10 Stacy Keibler* Mermaids come out of the water and Petra, the Stacy Keibler mermaids and I engage in hours of sexual bliss. Ahhh!!!! You know, I can actually see this happening.
*BTW, a sexual fantasy without Stacy Keibler wouldn’t be complete if she were not in it.
Bikini season is officially in full swing and here we got Nelly Furtado out in Barbados showing us what her momma gave her. I know some of you guys like your cushion built for a pushn’. Hell, even I do. But only when the lights are off and my blood alcohol content is above 150. Then, it’s all good.
I highly doubt that Jessica Simpson lives in an Igloo, but from the boots she’s wearing you may think she belongs in one. Granted, it’s nice to see her back in her Daisy Dukes, showing off her legs but come on; those boots aren’t going to be featured in any fetish magazine in the near future and if they are… well that’s it for my subscription.
I’m going to take a moment and not discuss Alyssa Milano’s hairy arms and hairy mole like I usually do because she has them well covered up in these pictures. So let’s talk about her better qualities such as her wonderful breasts and inspirational nipples. Yes, inspirational. Look how well the Mets are doing this year. They’re in first place. All thanks to Alyssa‘s nipples.