ARCHIVES > September, 2016
I used to think Bella Thorne‘s Snapchat tongue action was just her go-to favorite pose. Sort of like how that stupid duck face was a big thing for hot chicks a few years back. But now I’m convinced she’s actually trying to tell us something important, and it’s just too dirty for her to type out. So Bella, if I’m right, just keep pretending not to know I exist. …I hear you loud and clear!
I know there’s been a lot of talk this election season about Trump’s ties to Russia, but I think I may have stumbled across an even more nefarious plot… See, I just found Svetlana Bilyalova‘s Instagram, and now I’m convinced that this perfect Russian super-babe is some kind of sexy cyborg designed to help Putin take over the world. I mean, she’s already making me do things that are out of my control. Like take my pants off in the middle of this crowded Starbucks. And she must be controlling the baristas too, because they’re pretending I’m just some crazy pervert. So enjoy these shots, but just be careful. There’s no telling what Svetlana and her perfect body will make you do.
I’m guessing most of you probably aren’t subscribed to Vanity Fair Italy (or maybe you are, I don’t know your magazine reading habits). But either way, you’re definitely not going to want to miss the spread Rita Ora did for their latest issue. I still don’t get how Vanity Fair Italy can have hotter lingerie photoshoots than Playboy these days, but that’s the world we’re living in I guess.
So you know how every rich kid with famous parents basically gets a blank check to do whatever they want? Well, turns out Sophie Simmons (AKA Gene’s busty daughter) has decided she’s a “real” “model” now, and I just came across her modeling portfolio. And I will say this for Sophie: she’s definitely a lot more talented in the front meat department than the Hadids or the Jenners. Anyway, on a related note, I’ve decided I’m going to start calling myself an “award-winning journalist” from now on.
Here’s Victoria’s Secret Angel Constance Jablonski with a new crazy-hot photoshoot for Lui. And you know, this latest shoot from the French hottie just gave me a great business idea to go along with the usual pants fire: forget bikini car washes. Someone ought to start naked supermodel car washes. I’m telling you, that’s a million dollar idea right there.
In case you forgot, Tom Brady is still on “vacation” from the Patriots for another week, and while that hasn’t exactly been good news for New England fans, it’s great news for all us
perverts fans of his MILF wife Gisele Bundchen. Because that means she’s on vacation too, and the paparazzi managed to catch some of her best angles. It’s just a shame that Brady’s suspension is almost up. Here’s hoping he gets caught for something again, and soon.
Gisele Bundchen e o marido, o jogador de futebol americano Tom Brady, estão de férias em Positano, na Itália. Os dois estão curtindo uns dias a dois e, nesses cliques do TMZ, o casal almoça junto e toma um pouco de sol do lado de fora da casa deles, de folga. Eles curtem os dias off de Brady da NFL, que está suspenso de quatro jogos pelo seu time, o Patriots. #giselebundchen #tombrady
I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, but here’s a new photoshoot from “real” fashion model Bella Hadid and it’s actually… pretty cool. I know, weird, right? Next thing you know, Bella’s going to be making a second, different face, and I’ll be dating smoking hot supermodels. OK, maybe we shouldn’t go that far. But still, if Bella can do a real photoshoot, then anything’s possible, right?
Yup, it’s official: after this latest round of serious Snapchat pants fire material, Abby Dowse here is my new favorite busty Snapchat hottie. (Well, at least until I check what Lindsey Pelas has been up to lately…) But see, this is what I love about social media. Used to be, us perverts had to wait weeks or even months to get a new lingerie photoshoot from a hottie like this. Now, I just fire up my phone and get a new one every day. Screw flying cars and jetpacks. This is an even better future than any of those lame sci-fi writers could’ve ever imagined.
I used to love Sienna Miller back when she was just another hot nobody, but according to my sources, people have started taking her seriously as a “real actress” these days. And that’s great news for the rest of us, because it means now Sienna gets to do “classy” topless photoshoots like this one for Elle Magazine. Obviously, I wish they’d focused a little more on the topless part, but that’s OK. Maybe if we can get her nominated for an Oscar, she’ll show off more of her Golden Globes next time.