Something really terrible is about to happen, I think I’m about to say that Snooki looks pretty good in a bikini. I feel physically ill. Here she is showing off her newly skinny body in what I’m guessing are Twitter pictures. My mind tells me to leave the room and vomit intensely, it’s the right thing to do, but the blood rushing to my penis is telling me otherwise. I mean if I didn’t already know it was Snooki and was liquored up on that honey Jack Daniel’s Id’ probably want to make the hump with this chick. Oh God. Here comes breakfast.

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