While all the other so-called news outlets out there are covering “major” “stories” like political corruption or health care or whatever new scandal Trump’s wandered into now, I’m kind of surprised that no one else is covering the week’s biggest story: after months of practicing her tongue action with a camera, Bella Thorne finally graduated to slipping some tongue to a girl. I’m not sure who that is with her, and I’m a little too “busy” to look it up. But I promise to spend lots of time today studying this picture for any new clues. So stay tuned for any more updates on this. I smell Hollywood Tuna’s first Pulitzer.