For a while there, I thought I was Alexis Ren‘s #1 fan. I was doing weekly, maybe even daily posts dedicated to her and her booty, talking up how she was my favorite Insta-hottie, even saying how she could be a Victoria’s Secret model someday. But after this latest round of Insta-hotness I realized I got it wrong. Because turns out, nobody loves Alexis like Alexis loves herself. Oh well. I’ll settle for being #2, I guess.
I hope you guys all had a good Easter weekend. Personally, I celebrated the way I always do: by
having a big dinner and good times with family and friends sitting in my mom’s basement creeping hotties’ social media. It’s a treasured, time-honored tradition. And it’s a good thing I didn’t skip out this year, because otherwise I would’ve missed these great shots from my #1 favorite InstaHottie Alexis Ren. So you’re welcome. Happy Easter Alexis Ren Hotness Appreciation Day, everyone.
I know there’s a lot of hot nobodies out there, but I’ve always been impressed by how hard Alexis Ren here works. And if you think I’m being sarcastic, I’m not. Posting booty videos and pictures on social media practically 24/7 takes dedication, perseverance, and a killer body — the three main qualities I admire most in a woman. Well, that and not laughing in my face when I tell them I still live with my mom. Still, three out of four ain’t bad!
I know some of you guys probably think I call Alexis Ren here my favorite Insta-hottie just because I’m trying to score a date with her. And that’s just not true. I’d also settle for a few personalized booty shots sent to my inbox… But until that magical day finally comes, I guess I’ll just have to make do with another round of her pants-melting Instagram shots. It’s tough, but I think I’ll manage.
I wished I got paid to show my hairy butt on Snapchat! As you guys know Snapchat went public which makes it the biggest porn site in the world. Sure they disguise themselves as a social media platform, but reality is, every chick like Alexis Ren shows off their hot little bodies and offers private shows for a fee. Now I know Alexis doesn’t do that, but she does get paid to show her booty in other ways. Anyway, it’s a nice tush and I would eat my dinner off it.
I’m currently having a little trouble deciding whether Alexis Ren is a real model with an A+ Instagram game or just a professional Insta-hottie who does pants-melting bikini photoshoots on the side. So I figured I’d go back through her Instagram to see if I could find anything that might help me figure this thing out… And it didn’t work, but I did find a bunch of great new bikini booty shots. I’d call that a win.
Here’s my new favorite Insta-hottie Alexis Ren back with another pants-melting beach photoshoot. And I just hope Emily Ratajkowski is paying attention here, because I don’t care how many tens of millions of followers you’ve got. Everyone knows that the true measure of success for an Instagram supermodel is how many phone screens you burn out from all the scrolling. And thanks to Alexis, I’m already on my third of the month. Yow!
I’m still waiting for Alexis Ren to realize that me and her are meant to be together, but until that happens, I guess I’m just going to have to keep drooling over her photoshoots. And you guys can feel free to join me. I’m not possessive or anything. So here’s the latest set of bikini pictures from my new favorite Insta-hottie. Enjoy. I know I will.
I’ve done a lot of posts on Alexis Ren by now, and personally, I think she’s more than hot enough to ditch amateur Instagram modeling and turn pro. I mean, if Kendall Jenner can be a Victoria’s Secret model, I don’t see what’s stopping Alexis. You know, other than not having rich, influential parents bankrolling her modeling career. But whatever. Who needs them when she’s got me and the Little Tuna as her #1 fans? So I officially promise to keep promoting Alexis and her perfect body until she lands a major modeling contract… or agrees to go out on a date with me. Whichever comes first.
OK, so I know I officially graduated Alexis Ren from Insta-hottie to real model status last time out, but that doesn’t mean I stopped looking at her Instagram. You know, for “research” purposes. And since I figured it’d be a shame to let all that hard work (on both our parts) go to waste, I wanted to share a few of her latest hits with you perverts. Also, that way I’m pretty sure I can write off that extra pair of sweatpants I had to go out and buy afterwards as a work expense.
Last time I did a post on Alexis Ren, I decided it’s time we graduate her from professional Instagram model to real model status. And after this latest photoshoot, I’m thinking I definitely made the right call. Because not only is Alexis 10 times hotter than any of those other Insta-wannabes out there, she also seems to have figured out the key to doing a killer bikini shoot: take off the top part. See, going topless makes any photoshoot instantly better. That’s just Modeling 101.
I’ve gotta say, I’m pretty impressed by Alexis Ren. While other Insta-wannabes out there are busy staging fake photoshoots on Instagram, or getting their rich parents to buy them their own clothing line so they can pretend to be real models, Alexis is just going out and doing crazy-hot photoshoot after crazy-hot photoshoot. In fact, I think it’s time we stop calling her an Instagram model and just call her a real model from now on. She’s earned it. Also, I think me, Alexis and the Little Tuna should throw a pants party to celebrate the good news. Call me!
I guess Alexis Ren didn’t take my advice about sticking to Instagram modeling, because here she is still hard at work pretending to be a real model with another new bikini photoshoot. So while you guys enjoy the shoot, here’s some more advice for Alexis to not take: she definitely shouldn’t start dating bloggers who live in their mom’s basement. (Hey, it’s worth a shot. It’s not like anything else has worked so far. Fingers crossed!)
Listen, I like Alexis Ren. A lot. She’s probably one of my favorite fake models out there. But I don’t know why she’s so determined to try to become a real model. Being a professional Instagram hottie is a totally respectable job. Plus, she can still call herself a “model” if she wants. Sort of like how I call myself a “writer” when I meet women. Sure, nobody believes it, but that doesn’t stop me. And it shouldn’t stop Alexis either.