I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that most of you perverts probably don’t have a subscription to Allure Magazine. But don’t worry, I’ll help spare you the embarrassment of pretending you’re buying it for “your girlfriend,” just so you can ogle the latest photoshoot from their August cover girl and five-alarm pants fire Emily Ratajkowski. Now you can spend your lunch break locking yourself in your work bathroom with your phone and pretending you ate bad sushi instead. You’re welcome.
Looks like Emily Ratajkowski is still hard at work taking a bikini vacation on someone else’s yacht. And apparently they even let her bring a few friends along. Anyway, I can’t really tell how hot any of them are, partly because my eyes are shot from all these years of blogging, and partly because I can’t take them off Emily’s perfect booty. Either way though, I’m not complaining. Enjoy.
I probably don’t need to tell you guys that Emily Ratajkowski has a pretty tough life, constantly posting bikini pictures on social media while traveling the world pretending to be an actress/model and pretending to pay attention while rich dudes try to impress her or invite her out on their yacht. So I’m glad to see she took a little time off to take a vacation from all that hard work and just relax and post more bikini pictures on social media. She earned it.
If you guys want to see Emily Ratajkowski dancing around topless — and if I know my readers, I’m guessing that’s pretty high up on most of your wish lists — well, just go and re-watch the “Blurred Lines” video for the millionth time, because it’s still got these GIFs beat. But if you’re looking to see Emily dancing topless without getting kicked out of your place of work/classroom/a crowded subway train, then you’re definitely going to want to check these out. Enjoy.
I know it’s not “technically” summer for another week or two, but as far as I’m concerned, we’ve already got the first unofficial signs of summer right here: a brand new set of Emily Ratajkowski bikini pictures and beach selfies on Instagram. Because I don’t know about you guys, but the temperature in my pants region just jumped a good 50 degrees. Yow.
Here’s Emily Ratajkowski getting dirty over the weekend with a few friends. And you know, I’ve been doing posts on Emily long enough now that I like to think we’re friends. OK, so yes, I know we’ve never actually met and/or talked, but I’m willing to pretend she’s a real “actress” whenever she does a movie. And if that doesn’t make me a good friend, I don’t know what would. So next time she needs a hand (or two), just call me. I’d do anything for my friends. Especially if it involves grabbing a handful of Emily Ratajkowski’s sweet booty.
I don’t know how you guys spent your Memorial Day weekend, but after
creeping researching Emily Ratajkowski‘s Instagram, I can tell you with 100% confidence that it wasn’t half as good as the lucky bastards that got to party with Emily in a bikini. And honestly, I don’t get it, how come when I try to invite hotties over for a pool party, they all turn me down? Do you think it has something to do with my Speedo, or the fact that all I’ve got is a kiddie pool in my mom’s front yard? We may never know.
Apparently, Emily Ratajkowski said she was having “Cannes FOMO” when she posted these latest topless selfies of hers on Instagram, and normally, I’d make fun of her for being a wannabe actress or something like that. But honestly, I can sympathize. Because I definitely know how Emily’s feeling. That’s why I’m always refreshing her Instagram feed. I’ve got FOMO when it comes to missing one of her new booty and/or topless shots. It’s probably my biggest fear. Well, that and a clown riding a shark. Now that’s scary.
According to my sources, the Cannes Film Festival kicked off last night, and
for some reason because she’s totally a serious actress now and not just another Insta-wannabe, Emily Ratajkowski is there. And honestly, I don’t really care what Emily was doing there. As long as she shows up topless, I bet she gets invited wherever she wants. I know she’s got a standing invite to Tuna HQ.
You know, I realized something the other day: I spend so much time focusing on Emily Ratajkowski and her perfect funbags on this site, that sometimes I forget to focus on the rest of her body too. Including that killer booty of hers. But luckily, Emily made sure to remind me what I’ve been missing out on with her latest Instagram posts. And me and the Little Tuna received the message loud and clear. Yow.
I’m not sure who that is behind Emily Ratajkowski in her latest topless selfie, but I’m pretty sure this was probably taken during some photoshoot and not just during the world’s greatest pajama party. And I know you guys probably think my job is pretty great, considering I get to sit around in sweatpants 24/7, but trust me, anyone who spends their workday within 5 feet of a topless Emily Ratajkowski definitely has me beat.
OK, so maybe I need to stop questioning why Emily Ratajkowski has over 12.5 million followers on Instagram. Because if she’s going to keep putting up pictures like this on a regular basis, she deserves even more. Like 100-200 million more. Whatever it takes to keep Emily from actually getting a real job and keeps her Instagram model career going. So come on people. Do your part.
I’m a little confused by this photoshoot Emily Ratajkowski did for the May issue of some French mag called L’Officiel (whatever that is). I thought French people were supposed to be way more cool with nudity than North Amercians, but for some reason, we’ve just got pictures of Emily fully clothed. And… hugging a sad old dude and holding up a bag of money? I guess it must be some kind of artistic statement or something, but personally, I think Emily’s funbags are statement enough. Maybe that’s just me.
Because no holiday weekend would be complete without new pictures of Emily Ratajkowski showing off her booty (and/or bikini body), here’s a quick update from everyone’s favorite professional Instagram model: she went to Coachella and looked super hot doing it. Big surprise, right? Anyway, since I’m such a nice guy (stop laughing), I decided I’d go ahead and add on one of her photoshoots to this post too. That way, everybody goes home happy. Especially the Little Tuna. Enjoy.