I know some of you look forward to these annual LoveAdvent video things, and don’t get me wrong, Emily Ratajkowski’s video yesterday was definitely hot. But for the most part, these things are just boring and overrated. Case in point: here’s one from over the weekend starring Ashley Graham. I know this chick has a pretty face, but can we please stop promoting obesity as a “healthy” lifestyle?
Here’s the “healthiest” “supermodel” in the business Ashley Graham showing off her chub on Snapchat again, and giving her followers a peek at what a typical work day is like for her. I guess she thinks this is supposed to get her more followers? I don’t know. But hey, if it works, maybe I’ll try it too. Who wants to see a video of me getting tossed out of a Starbucks with my pants around my ankles? Don’t raise your hands all at once, ladies.
I don’t want to get into trouble here, because I know we’re not supposed to call Ashley Graham fat. Instead we have to talk about how “healthy” she looks. And if you ask me, she’s definitely looking really “healthy” in this latest lingerie photoshoot. Not obesely “healthy” yet, but getting pretty close.
I know I have to be careful when I do posts on Ashley Graham, because we’re all supposed to pretend she’s a real supermodel and not just super plus-sized. Otherwise I get in trouble. So I’m just going to put up these Polaroids from her latest shoot for V Magazine and let you guys decide for yourselves. Personally, these pictures are currently making my pants region freeze over, but hey, if it’s working for you, go ahead and enjoy.
Wait a minute. I thought that now that Christmas was over, that meant those lame LOVE Advent videos were done too. Isn’t that how an advent calendar normally works? But I guess not, because we just got two more videos. One’s from smoking hot, real supermodel Elsa Hosk, the other’s from “healthy” “sexy” “supermodel” Ashley Graham. I’ll give you one guess whose video is actually worth watching.
I know I’m probably going to get a bunch of hate mail for this, talking about what a fat loser I am, but let me just remind you: I’m a blogger. We’re supposed to be fat. Ashley Graham is a supermodel. Or at least, a bunch of people like to pretend she is, for some reason. Anyway, here she is in a bikini and an arm-bra, and if you think that’s going to distract me from the fact that she’d look even better with a few less pounds, well, you’re probably right. But whatever. I still say this isn’t healthy. For her or the Little Tuna.
I’m no rocket scientist, but anyone who says that Ashley Graham is healthy and a role model is out of their mind. Don’t let these PC police make you believe that having a body mass index above 25 is normal and safe. It’s not! It means you’re a fatty and need to get in shape or you will die young. Yes, she has a beautiful face, but she got lucky. Someone who’s into BBWs took an interest in her and made her kinda famous. For the rest of you fatties, the only thing to look forward to in life is type 2 diabetes. What next? Obese male models?
Stop the presses! Not only did we find out that Bella Hadid actually can smile, we also finally discovered how to get her to make a different face for the cameras. Turns out all it takes is one lesbian fantasy with a fat chick. Sorry, I meant “very healthy professional supermodel Ashley Graham.” Anyway, here’s the two getting friendly at the 2016 GQ Men of the Year Awards, if you’re into that kind of thing.
A whole bunch of bikini model hotties showed up for Sports Illustrated‘s Summer of Swim Fan Festival at Coney Island. Big names like Ashley Graham, Barbara Palvin, Chrissy Teigen, Hannah Ferguson, Hannah Jeter, Kate Bock, Mia Kang, and Robyn Lawley. Only one of these ladies isn’t like all the others. Can you guess which one? I’ll give you a hint… One of them is routinely called “healthy” and “sexy” and a “supermodel,” and the rest actually are.
I know we’re all supposed to pretend that plus-sized covergirl Ashley Graham is the hottest thing on Earth, but I’m sorry, I just don’t think I can do it. After checking out these behind-the-scenes shots from her latest photoshoot (pre-Photoshop), I’m having a hard time seeing how this is anywhere near “sexy” and “healthy,” unless the people at Webster’s changed the meaning of those words and no one told me.
Here’s a fantasy for all you dudes out there who dig chicks with a little more meat on their bones: it’s Miss USA 2015 Olivia Jordan posing with famous cover model/professional chubster Ashley Graham at the 2016 Miss USA red carpet over the weekend. Anyway, I’d tell you who won Miss USA, but to be honest, I don’t know. See, I’ve been too busy trying to figure out a way to make this lesbian fantasy happen without me getting crushed by Ashley. It’s pushing my imagination to the limits!
I know I’m probably going to get more hate mail for this, but I didn’t approve when the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue put Ashley Graham on their cover, and now she’s got a Maxim cover too? It just further proves my theory that Maxim‘s turned into a woman’s magazine. I mean, if I was going to do a photoshoot with a plus-size model to show that fat chicks are beautiful too, I would have had Ashley sprawled across a buffet stuffing herself with fried chicken. See, now that’s embracing being fat. And I know for a fact it would be much sexier than any of this crap.
I’m sick of people saying that Ashley Graham is beautiful because it doesn’t discount the fact that she is overweight. Anyone who says that this is healthy needs to have their head checked by a physician. Don’t think for one second that Cosmo didn’t Photoshop these pictures and make Ashley appear thinner. Now before you send me emails saying that I could never bang a chick as hot as Ashley, please don’t bother. I’ve paid for some great sex with super hot escorts! So bug off!
So Sports Illustrated held their annual celebration for the 2015 Swimsuit Issue in New York the other night. And instead of being upset that they forgot to invite me to the party (again), I’m going to look on the bright side: they did invite a whole bunch of hotties like Hannah Davis, Rose Bertram, Hailey Clauson, Solveig Mork Hansen, Ashley Smith, Kelly Rohrbach, Emily Ratajkowski, Sara Sampaio, Hannah Ferguson, Samantha Hoopes, Chrissy Teigen, Erin Heatherton, Lily Aldridge, Gigi Hadid, Irina Shayk, Genevieve Morton, and Ashley Graham. And you know, just looking at these pictures is starting to make me feel better already.