I don’t know if I ever realized that Julianne Hough and Nina Dobrev were friends before, but thanks to these bikini pictures I just stumbled across, it looks like me and the Little Tuna have got ourselves a brand-new lesbian fantasy. Now, are any of you perverts good with Photoshop? I want to paste my picture over this lucky bastard’s face. Keeping the douchey sailor cap’s optional.
I’ve never heard of Beauty & Marlin Magazine before; if you ask me, it sounds kind of made up. But according to my sources, this pants-melting Irina Shayk bikini photoshoot is from their January issue. And I’m sorry, but I don’t see how these guys can convince Irina to come pose for them, but I can’t. Maybe because their office isn’t in their mom’s basement? Either way, it’s not fair. I’m being discriminated against.
Here’s everyone’s favorite fake celebrity (and the hottest Kardashian) Kendall Jenner rubbing mud all over herself, I guess as some kind of spa treatment? And honestly, I don’t really get it. I mean, Kendall’s rich parents can afford to buy her a spread in Vogue, but not a special personal assistant whose sole job is applying mud to her body? Hell, I would’ve done it for free!
Remember how, if you wanted to be a professional hot nobody back in the day, you had to try to get the paparazzi to follow you around to do bikini “yoga” in the park, or do some kind of stupid topless publicity stunt? Well, nowadays all you have to do is sign up for Instagram, and post daily bikini pictures. Like professional Insta-model Joy Corrigan here. I don’t know how well it works, or if it makes Joy any more famous than those other nobodies, but it’s definitely working for me and the Little Tuna. Yow.
Every time I do a post on Kara Del Toro, I always start daydreaming about how great it would be to start some kind of weekly feature on her and her bikini body. But for whatever reason, her manager hasn’t been responding to any of my tweets or emails. I thought I made them an offer she couldn’t refuse, but I guess maybe they’re holding out for 20 Burger King coupons a week instead of just 10. Anyway, I’m going to keep negotiating. And in the meantime, you guys enjoy this latest round of bikini pictures I was able to put together for free.
I know I’m not supposed to believe in love at first sight, because otherwise I’d be in love with every single model I did a post on. But how about the second time around? Because after coming across this massive set of bikini pictures for Beatriz Fernandez, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with the Spanish hottie, even though I’ve only seen her twice. First in lingerie, now a bikini. But c’mon, how much more does a guy really need to know? I’m ready to propose right now. Or as soon as I find her on Twitter. Wish me luck!
Here’s another Instagram model Taylor Hannum modelling some swimwear line. I don’t know much about her, but if you take a peak at her Instagram page you’ll notice that she’s a dog lover and since I’m a big dog lover too, I think we should date. I mean what are the odds that we both love cute, little furry animals? Anyway, go check out her page, you won’t be disappointed.
Unlike most 35-year-olds, Britney Spears has managed to keep her body pretty tight. And she ain’t afraid to show it off. I know most chicks will say that she has a relatively easy life, and they would be right, but still 30 minutes of Richard Simmons “Sweating to the Oldies” once every other day is not too hard to do. So get off the couch and just do it. No excuses.
We’ve spent a lot of time on amateur beach hotties this week, but I figure it’s time we celebrated a true professional: Colombian hottie Daniela Lopez Osorio. And trust me, after a few seconds checking out the latest bikini pictures from this total smokeshow, you’ll be ruined for anyone else. So take a good look, because this is what a real bikini babe looks like. Disclaimer: I can’t be held responsible for any damage done to your pants and/or marriages. Consider yourself warned.
I know my eyesight isn’t great — spending 5 days a week with your nose an inch from your computer screen probably isn’t very good for your eyes, plus there’s all that stuff my mom used to tell about how my private bathroom time would make me go blind. So maybe it’s just me, but it kind of looks like Amy Jackson is wearing a pad or something in her bikini bottoms in this photoshoot. That said, I guess it doesn’t really matter, because she’s smoking hot no matter what. And that’s something I’ve got no problem seeing.
I know a lot of you guys on the East Coast are still buried under like 4 feet of snow or something, and the roads out there are probably still pretty bad. But don’t worry, I’ve got something that ought to help warm you up: a new set of bikini pictures from smoking hot Danish model Josephine Skriver. And the best part is, if you’re stuck working at home today, you don’t have anybody checking over your shoulder asking you if drooling over bikini models qualifies as “work.” Although just in case you’re wondering, it totally does. …Well, it does for me, at least.
Practically every time I do a post on Doutzen Kroes, I wonder why the Dutch hottie hasn’t become a bigger name in the modeling biz. As far as I can tell, she’s got everything it takes: a perfect body and… yeah, that’s pretty much all it takes. Anyway, the only thing I can think of that she’s missing is a C-list blogger boyfriend to show off for the tabloids. I mean, it can’t hurt to try, right? Call me!
I know you’ve probably heard me say this before, but this time I actually mean it. Because after seeing this Aussie pants fire Casey Boonstra in the latest issue of Maxim Australia, I’ve decided I’m doing it — I’m moving Down Under. I mean, come on, I work from home, right? Which means I can work from anywhere, as long as there’s a mom and a basement and decent wifi. So if you live in Australia and your mom wants to put me up, send me an email. I’m coming, Casey!