Looking at these pictures of Chrissy Teigen in the 2017 SI Swimsuit Issue just reminded me, but I totally forgot Chrissy had a kid last year. Which means it’s time to invite her to join the official Hollywood Tuna MILF Club. It’s a pretty sweet deal, actually — you get to pretend I don’t exist while I talk about what a hot MILF you are, and club dues are just a few bikini and/or lingerie and/or fully nude pictures sent to my inbox once a month. Or, for a lifetime membership, you come over to my mom’s basement for a date. No one’s picked that option yet, but maybe Chrissy could be the first. (It’s cool. Just tell John it’s a “work thing.”)
I may not love these LOVE Advent videos, but let’s be real here, I’m a professional T&A blogger, and hotties stripping down for sexy videos always counts as big news. So here’s what you guys might have missed from the past few days of this annual series: Alessandra Ambrosio stripping down, Chrissy Teigen chowing down, and Stella Maxwell just plain looking hot. Enjoy.
A whole bunch of bikini model hotties showed up for Sports Illustrated‘s Summer of Swim Fan Festival at Coney Island. Big names like Ashley Graham, Barbara Palvin, Chrissy Teigen, Hannah Ferguson, Hannah Jeter, Kate Bock, Mia Kang, and Robyn Lawley. Only one of these ladies isn’t like all the others. Can you guess which one? I’ll give you a hint… One of them is routinely called “healthy” and “sexy” and a “supermodel,” and the rest actually are.
The good news: Sports Illustrated keeps throwing hottie-filled parties for the launch of their 2016 Swimsuit Issue; this time, it was a BBQ at some hotel in Miami. And Erin Heatherton, Gigi Hadid, Lily Aldridge, Hailey Clauson, Chrissy Teigen, Hannah Ferguson, Tanya Mityushina, Kate Bock, Emily DiDonato, Kelly Rohrbach, Chanel Iman, Sofia Resing, Hannah Davis, Nina Agdal, Samantha Hoopes, Bo Krsmanovic, and Barbara Palvin all showed up. Except once again, nobody wore a bikini. Or body paint. Or even a one piece! I’m pretty sure they’re just screwing with me at this point. And I don’t appreciate it.
I don’t know about you guys, but when I hear that a whole bunch of SI models hit Miami Beach to celebrate the release of the 2016 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, I wasn’t exactly expecting to see them all wearing clothes… But here’s Barbara Palvin, Chanel Iman, Chrissy Teigen, Gigi Hadid, Hailey Clauson, Hannah Ferguson, Nina Agdal, and Robyn Lawley, and not a single one of them is in a swimsuit. I mean, the no bikinis on the red carpet thing I get, but come on, they’re at a beach!! This is just cruel.
I don’t tend to pay much attention to celebrities unless they’re walking around in spandex and/or bikinis, so I didn’t know that Chrissy Teigen was pregnant until I saw these pictures. And while I’m sorry to hear that, since it means Chrissy’ll have to go on a few months of maternity leave from those bikini photoshoots of hers, I’m happy to see that her growing baby bumps seem to be coming along nicely. …Just to be clear, I’m talking about her funbags. I may be a pervert, but I’m no sicko.
I know I should be psyched to be seeing a supermodel as hot as Chrissy Teigen and getting a peek at her sweet cleavage thanks to the paps. But I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little disappointed in Chrissy for wearing a bra… I guess she’s just not as committed to this whole #FreeTheNipple thing as I am. And it’s too bad. I mean, Chrissy really could’ve made a big difference here. In my pants, at least.
Here’s Chrissy Teigen out in Paris, and maybe my eyes have just been ruined from years of putting my nose too close to my computer screen, but I’m not seeing as much of Chrissy as I’d hoped in these shots. I thought the sexy supermodel was supposed to still be crusading for the whole #FreeTheNipple movement. Oh well, I guess she’s just not as dedicated to the cause as the rest of us
As you probably already know (because you’re a fellow degenerate pervert), Chrissy Teigen has been fighting the good fight against Instagram’s ridiculous “no nipple” policy after they removed a topless picture she posted. And I totally agree with her — if you ask me, tits should be allowed to be shown off anywhere: Instagram, the sidewalk, my mom’s basement. But let’s not pretend fashion models are any different from porn stars these days. You could put that W Magazine spread of Chrissy’s in Penthouse or Hustler and nobody would be able to tell. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but the only difference is these “fashion” mags can call it “art.” That said, I support Chrissy 100%, and I’d be happy to post some topless pictures to my Instagram in solidarity. Just as soon as she sends them over.
I’ve never heard of Selfie Magazine before, but I’m a big fan of any publication that can give us more Chrissy Teigen bikini pictures to enjoy. I’m a little confused about the whole selfie thing though — technically, shouldn’t these have been taken by Chrissy? Or at the very least, a blogger with a good phone and long arms? It doesn’t make any sense, but forget it, I’m going to stop asking questions and just let us all enjoy one hell of a bikini photoshoot. You’re welcome.
So Sports Illustrated held their annual celebration for the 2015 Swimsuit Issue in New York the other night. And instead of being upset that they forgot to invite me to the party (again), I’m going to look on the bright side: they did invite a whole bunch of hotties like Hannah Davis, Rose Bertram, Hailey Clauson, Solveig Mork Hansen, Ashley Smith, Kelly Rohrbach, Emily Ratajkowski, Sara Sampaio, Hannah Ferguson, Samantha Hoopes, Chrissy Teigen, Erin Heatherton, Lily Aldridge, Gigi Hadid, Irina Shayk, Genevieve Morton, and Ashley Graham. And you know, just looking at these pictures is starting to make me feel better already.
According to my sources, it was Chrissy Teigen‘s birthday the other day and even though I forgot to get her something, it looks like she got a pretty great present for the rest of us. Because here she is dropping some serious boobage in a photoshoot with her lucky SOB of a husband. And it’s just what I always wanted. How’d she know? Well, that and her leaving John Legend for yours truly, but I guess that’ll just have to wait until Christmas. Fingers crossed.
OK, so I know that Rita Ora isn’t my #1 favorite busty British pop star and Chrissy Teigen isn’t exactly my #1 supermodel either, but still, you put them together and you’ve got a Top 10 lesbian fantasy. Maybe even Top 5. So here they are together at some kind of fragrance launch in New York, and I’m not sure who thought to pair these two up, but whoever did is a damn genius, because this is looking like one seriously tasty combo right now. Yum.
You’ve got to hand it to the Dodgers. While all the other teams out there are getting CEOs and “celebrities” to toss out their first pitches, the Dodgers went and got a super-hot supermodel in Chrissy Teigen to throw out theirs in LA the other night. I know Chrissy’s made the cover of Sports Illustrated before and all, but I wasn’t sure how this would go. After watching the video below though, I’ve gotta say, I’m impressed. Chrissy’s got a good set of legs on her. Oh, and uh, I guess her arm’s not bad either. Sorry, were we supposed to be paying attention to that part? I guess I’d better watch it again. And then maybe 4 or 5 more times just to be safe.