Since Emily Ratajkowski‘s dreams of being a big movie star are pretty much over, she is back to being a useless hot Instagram model. Not that there is a problem with that, it’s just becoming very competitive. Even though she’shot, she’s going to have to go back to being naked to really win over the younger generation. For me, tits is enough, but you need to be able to see everything now. Kids these days are desensitized and a little cleavage ain’t going to get a 20 year old off anymore.
Meet Emily Jean Bester, my latest up-and-coming hot model find. According to my research, Emily’s from Sydney, Australia and as far as I’m concerned, she definitely has some of the bester chesticles I’ve seen on a bikini model in a while. Or wait, is it bestest? I’m not great with grammar. In case you haven’t noticed.
So according to my sources, this busty hottie is Playboy model Angelina Boyko. I don’t know where she’s from or much more about her, but I do know that she was born to model lingerie, and that these pictures were taken in Bangkok. …Do I even need to write a punchline here, or can you guys fill in your own dick joke today?
I love that Snapchat has officially become the new place for busty hotties to show off their funbags for their fans. And here’s a few of my favorite Snaps from my new favorite social media star Iryna Ivanova. I still haven’t figured out how hotties make any money off this thing, but as long as the pictures keep coming, I’d be happy to get out my checkbook for Iryna anytime. How much?
Here’s my all-time favorite supermodel/MILF Alessandra Ambrosio at something called the Global Gift Gala in Spain giving us all the gift of her perfect MILF cleavage. And it’s just what I always wanted. How’d she know? Oh right, probably because I ask for more of it at least once a week. Either way, it’s much appreciated. So enjoy.
I don’t know what Lindsey Pelas does for work these days, although I’m pretty sure “giving me a raging pants fire over Snapchat” isn’t a real job. I checked and everything. But if you ask me, it should be. Because Lindsey’s bikini Snapchat is better than 99% of the bikini photoshoots most of those so-called “real models” put out these days.
I don’t do many posts on Ciara, because as smoking hot as she is, I don’t understand any hottie who doesn’t believe in sex before marriage. But now that she’s officially married to Russell Wilson, according to my sources, that’s great news, as far as I’m concerned. So, where do I sign up? That’s how this whole waiting until marriage thing works, right?
Well, this is kind of disappointing: here’s smoking hot Italian actress/George Clooney’s ex Elisabetta Canalis walking around Milan. And I guess she went and had a kid since the last time we saw her. On the plus side, at least she was showing off her sweet MILF cleavage for the paps. But here I kept hoping that Elisabetta would hook up with a semi-famous celebrity blogger or something to try to make Clooney jealous. Stop laughing. It could’ve happened! But I guess now we’ll never know.
According to my sources, these shots of one of my new favorite busty blondes Hunter King are from some ELLE Women in Comedy Event in LA. And I don’t know about you, but I never knew Hunter was a comedian. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised though. I always knew she was seriously talented. But I guess it’s not just in the funbag region.
I don’t know why Mariah Carey is suddenly everywhere right now, and I’m too lazy to look it up. But I’m guessing she’s probably got a new album or tour to promote or something, and she’s doing it the old school way: by taking those funbags around to the press. Anyway, here’s Mariah and her chunky old lady cleavage heading into Jimmy Kimmel Live, but she had better be careful. I hear the camera adds 10 pounds, and she’s already looking meaty enough these days.
I still have no clue how Jessica Simpson managed to go from a ditzy, smoking hot reality TV star/late night punchline to becoming one of the most successful (and hottest) woman in the fashion industry. But I guess she’s a lot smarter than we all gave her credit for. And that must be it, because look: she went out over the weekend busting out those amazing funbags of hers, and here we are giving her a bunch of free press for it. I’m telling you, this woman’s a genius. And I’m loving it.
I know I can be a little tough on her sometimes, but if there’s one thing I love about Charlotte McKinney, it’s what a talented actress she is… Just kidding. It’s those massive funbags of hers. So here she is taking them out for a jog with the paps. And you know how people say pictures are worth a thousand words? Well, this is one of those instances where a video would’ve been worth a thousand pant fires. Oh well. Maybe next time.
Now that Ariel Winter‘s officially leapfrogged her Modern Family co-star Sarah Hyland to become the new Sofia Vergara, I’m guessing she must be contractually-obligated to show off those giant funbags of hers for the paps at least once a week. So here she is heading into the Game Saver Lunch for Glamour Magazine, and it looks like Sofia taught her well, because this is one grade-A bust show. Enjoy.