Out of all the hot wannabes in Hollywood (and trust me, there are tons of them), I’m pretty sure Emily Ratajkowski is my favorite. Because unlike so many of her fellow hotties and professional Instagram models, Emily’s actually got real talent. And before you ask, yes, the ability to give me an instantaneous pants fire via the Internet definitely qualifies as a “talent.” Now enjoy.
Here’s Emily Ratajkowski heading into some lunch event hosted by Glamour Magazine, and we already know how these mags Photoshop the hell out of their covers, but is it just me or are the paps doing the same thing? Maybe my eyes are just shot from all those years spent with my nose pressed up against my computer screen, but Emily’s skin is looking weirdly smoothed out. Guess I’d better go back into the archives to compare. I should probably start with the bikini pictures. Or maybe the topless ones. Wherever she’s showing the most skin.
So in case you didn’t hear, the world’s most famous porn star Kim Kardashian just released her latest topless selfie. And normally that wouldn’t be breaking news, since I’m pretty sure she’s contractually obligated to send out one a month, only this time she enlisted a real hottie to join her, A-list Instagram model Emily Ratajkowski. And here’s the caption Emily posted it with: “We are more than just our bodies, but that doesn’t mean we have to be shamed for them or our sexuality.” Now that’s real feminism! And these two have my full support. Or at least Emily, anyway. Sorry, Kim’s still gross.
The more pictures we get of other wannabe models and “celebrities” and actresses, the more I like Emily Ratajkowski. Because unlike the Bella Hadids and Charlotte McKinneys of the world, Emily’s actually got real talent. And OK fine, by “talent” I mean, the ability to give me a serious pants fire in 10 seconds flat. But hey, that’s not easy. Normally it takes like 30 seconds, minimum.
I know I do a lot of posts on professional Instagram models and wannabes on this site, but for my money, Emily Ratajkowski‘s hands down one of the best of the bunch. Because while all those other hot chicks out there are busy trying to use Instagram to land modeling gigs or rich boyfriends or convince their friends/family/followers that they’re actually a real model, Emily’s simply giving her followers what they really want: pictures of her looking smoking hot in a bikini. More, please.
I know I tend to knock awards shows for being boring, overlong celebrity circle jerks, but listen, one of the great things about the Oscars is that it’s so big and important, it brings out just about every hottie in Hollywood. Because even if they don’t get invited to the main event, there’s all the after-parties and pre-parties and viewing parties. And then we get shots like this of Kate Upton and Emily Ratajkowski at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party looking smoking hot, and 100% Oscar-worthy. And yes, I know these two aren’t real actresses, but I decided to re-name the Little Tuna “Oscar” just in case some gullible hottie falls for it… Somebody tell Kate and Emily they can pick up their honorary Oscars in my mom’s basement.
In case you missed it, it’s officially awards season these days, and as much as I don’t care about awards shows, I do care about the hotties they always invite to them. Like Emily Ratajkowski here, attending the Costume Designers Guild Awards in LA. I don’t know who won or anything like that, but I hope whoever designed Emily’s dress to show off this much cleavage at least got a special mention. Yow.
I guess New York Fashion Week is still going, because according to my sources, these shots of Emily Ratajkowski giving us a great view getting out of her car are from outside the Hugo Boss show. Anyway, I don’t know if Emily’s still trying to make that acting career of hers stick, but this just gave me a great idea for a movie. It’ll just be an hour and a half of Emily bending over to get out of various vehicles, and I guarantee it’d be a huge hit. So do I pick up my Oscar now, or do we have to wait?
Because the only thing better than one leggy supermodel is three of them, here’s Karlie Kloss, Candice Swanepoel and Emily Ratajkowski at some Marvel/Garage Magazine party in New York. I’m not entirely sure what comic books and hot models have to do with one another, but I do wish at least one of these hotties had decided to play to the theme and showed up in skintight spandex instead of these boring outfits.
According to my sources, the 2016 amfAR Gala was held in New York last night, and that’s one of the year’s most important events as far as I’m concerned — not because I care so much about charity, but because it’s a great excuse to get a whole bunch of hotties together in one room, including Emily Ratajkowski here. Now that’s a cause I can really get behind. Enjoy.
Good news, everybody. It looks like Emily Ratajkowski finally gave up on her goal of becoming a “real actress” and went back to her true calling: posting smoking hot pictures to Instagram. Here’s a few of her latest hits, and I think we can all agree, it’s good to see Emily back doing what she does best. It’s just too bad they don’t give out Oscars for giving strangers pants fires via the Internet. If they did, Emily would be a total lock.
Hands down, the worst thing about Emily Ratajkowski trying to become a respectable actress now is that it means she has to go to black-tie events like this, instead of just going to the beach. Anyway, I guess she’s looking classy here, but nobody wants to see Emily looking classy. We want to see her in lingerie.
More proof that Instagram models are slowly becoming porn stars. Here is Emily Ratajkowski in lingerie dancing around for LOVE Advent 2015. I swear I saw this exact scene in the beginning of a Brazzer film I watched the other day. If you don’t know what Brazzers is, go look it up. Anyway, I don’t see the point to these videos. Love keeps releasing a new one each day with a different Instagram model and they’re all boring. Sure Emily is hot, but you going to have to do much more than this to make me unzip my pants!
I don’t know if Emily Ratajkowski actually needs those glasses of hers, or if she’s just trying to get people to think of her as the world’s smartest model. But let’s be real here: if she forgot to remember to forget to wear a bra under this see-through shirt of hers, how smart can she really be? That’s like the first thing they cover in Hot Nobody 101. C’mon Emily.