I don’t know about you dudes, but I’m starting to get pretty glad that Christmas is almost here. Not because I’m excited for presents or anything — I’m pretty sure I’m not going to wake up to find a busty supermodel under the tree this year. No, I’m excited because it means we won’t have to suffer through the daily disappointment of checking out these lame LOVE Advent videos, only to find that they ruined another hottie. Today, it was Hailey Baldwin‘s turn to dance around in lingerie, and unlike some of the others, this video actually could’ve been good. You know, if they’d remembered to shoot it in focus.
It’s time for another round of my favorite game, “Can you guess which of these things is not like the others?” I’ll even give you a hint: there’s five hot women in swimsuits at the beach here, Elsa Hosk, Emily Ratajkowski, Hailey Baldwin, Rose Bertram and Bella Hadid. But only one of them is a real supermodel. And if you said Elsa, congratulations! You can still tell the difference. Even though the modeling industry apparently can’t anymore.
According to my sources, Hailey Baldwin is pretending to be a Guess model these days, and here’s her latest shoot for the company. And don’t get me wrong, Hailey’s hot and all, but she’s just not a real model. If you ask me, she should stick to pretending to be famous on Instagram. There’s no shame in that. Lots of my favorite hotties do that full-time these days. It’s a totally respectable career path.
I guess Hailey Baldwin must’ve gotten bored of pretending to be a fashion model, because according to my sources, she’s decided to switch careers and pretend to be a fashion designer now too, after coming up with her “own” footwear line. Anyway, I don’t know much about fashion and I definitely don’t know anything about shoes, so I can’t tell you if these are any good or not, but I can tell you that I’m glad Hailey decided to model them herself, because this is a pretty sexy leg show for a fake model/designer. Enjoy.
I know I like to make fun of these rich kid/fake models like Hailey Baldwin and say they don’t have any actual talent. But I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong (stop laughing, that wasn’t supposed to be a joke). And after checking out this picture of Hailey getting crazy flexible, it looks like she does have at least one real talent: the ability to give me a pants fire in under 5 seconds flat. Yow! Enjoy.
I know I like to call all these rich kid/fake models like Hailey Baldwin useless, but every once in a while one of them actually manages to do something halfway decent. Like these pictures of Hailey showing off that little booty of hers in Daisy Dukes in New York. So, forget those lame “fashion” photoshoots, I think we’ve just found Hailey’s true calling: putting on leg shows for the paps.
So here’s four of the most useless “models” in the business pretending to be professional bikini models in Turks & Caicos: Kylie and Kendall Jenner, Hailey Baldwin and Bella Hadid. And if you ask me, Kylie’s looking a little chubby, but there’s really no excuse for her to be fat. She doesn’t have a real job! (And no, spending your rich parents’ money doesn’t count as work.) Anyway, Kendall’s the only halfway decent one here, so just try to enjoy that, I guess. And whatever you do, don’t think about how much hotter these pictures could’ve been with four real supermodels instead of these phonies…
Here’s my favorite pair of fake model/rich kid BFFs Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin. According to my sources, they’re on their way into an Adele concert in these shots. But personally, the only show I care about is the one these two were putting on for the paps. Here’s hoping they post a few bikini selfies together for an encore.
For whatever reason, the Baldwins don’t get nearly as much press as the Hadid sisters, which isn’t fair if you ask me. Because when it comes to rich kid/fake models, Hailey Baldwin is just as talented as anyone else out there. Just look at her on her way into some Hollywood party here. She’s looking good! She just needs to work a little harder at getting the paparazzi to follow her around full-time. Maybe take more long walks in short shorts, or go to pick up coffee in leggings. Listen, I know it’s hard work, but if you want to be a professional hot nobody, you’ve got to take this job seriously.
When I first saw these shots of Hailey Baldwin with a big red mark on her cleavage, I figured I just had a smudge on my screen or something. You know, considering I spend the better part of my day with my nose pressed up against it. But according to my sources, the mark’s actually from some “alternative therapy” called “cupping.” I have no clue what any of that is, and I’m too lazy to look it up, but hey, if Hailey’s interested in alternative medicine, I hear motorboating is great for curing erectile dysfunction, and I’m willing to give it a shot if she is. I even make house calls.
Sure, I’ve seen her do a few “photoshoots” and show up to fashion week red carpets, but I never actually believed companies hired Hailey Baldwin to be a real model. I always figured it was just something her rich parents let her play pretend at. But then I came across these bikini shots, and I guess I was wrong. Hailey’s officially a professional bikini model now. I don’t think she’s going to suddenly take Nina Agdal‘s job or anything, but hey, at least something good came out of all that money.
Now that Hailey Baldwin‘s a “big-time model,” she gets invited to places like Milan for the 2015 MTV EMAs, and don’t get me wrong, that’s a good thing. Because even though I still don’t think having famous, rich parents is enough to qualify you to be a model, putting on a sexy red carpet show like this is definitely a good start. And with that in mind, I’d like to officially invite Hailey to my mom’s basement for the 2015 Tuna Awards next. It’s a pretty big deal and totally legit, just like Hailey. I’m surprised you’ve never heard of it.
It’s enough of these celebrity kids and Instagram models flooding the mainstream fashion world. Hailey Baldwin is NOT a model, nowhere close to being a model. And yet, companies are using her because she has 2.1 million followers on Instagram. Here she is trying to model some company’s clothing who I won’t mention since they don’t pay me and failing miserably. Being a fashion model now is a JOKE and any girl who signs an exclusive deal with a modelling agency is making the biggest mistake of their lives. So this is a message to all the young ladies who want to be a model: DO NO SIGN WITH AN AGENCY. EVER!!!!! Build your Instagram following and do it on your own. The agencies will come knocking at your door, promising you a bunch of bullshit, but I repeat DO NOT SIGN even if it’s tempting to have NEXT or Wilhelmina on your profile. On another note, Hailey is hot for a regular chick. I give her a 4 out of 10. That’s high on my scale.
Now that Kylie Jenner and Hailey Baldwin are officially “professional models,” here they are hard at work walking the streets of New York for the paps. According to my sources, my favorite Baldwin and my second-favorite Jenner just finished shooting a photoshoot here, so I guess that means this counts as a double shift. Now that’s some impressive work ethic. I hope they’re getting overtime.