I don’t know how you losers spent your Fourth of July, probably having “quality time” with your “friends and families” or something lame like that. But I guarantee it wasn’t half as fun as mine: I spent the night sitting alone in my mom’s basement and shooting off pants fireworks while looking up patriotic fake photoshoots from wannabe models like Ireland Baldwin. Pretty sure that’s what they call living your best life.
I may hate the fact that the only qualification you seem to need to become a model these days is to have rich parents and a few hundred thousand followers on Instagram, but I will say this for Ireland Baldwin: at least she #freedthenipple for her boring LOVE Advent Calendar video. That already makes hers the best we’ve seen so far this year. I know that’s not saying much, but it still counts for something.
You know, for a while there, I was calling Ireland Baldwin my second-favorite Baldwin (after her hottie cousin Hailey, of course). But after this latest photoshoot, I’m starting to think maybe I got this wrong. Because this is the hottest I’ve ever seen Ireland look. So maybe she’s not just another talentless rich kid after all, and she might actually have a promising future as a professional model at rolling around on the floor and furniture half-naked. Here’s hoping, anyway.
Here’s Ireland Baldwin, aka my second-favorite Baldwin, out in LA on a coffee run. And normally, I don’t support girls wrapping a jacket around their waist, since all it does is block the paps’ view, but I guess if it has to be covering up something, I’d rather it’s Ireland’s booty than that see-through shirt of hers. It’s all about priorities.
I guess Ireland Baldwin must’ve heard me call her hot cousin Hailey my new favorite Baldwin, because she was dropping some solid cleavage at this fancy fashion shindig in Beverly Hills. And don’t get me wrong, this definitely helps Ireland’s case, but if you ask me, it would’ve been a whole lot easier for her to just send over a few lingerie selfies like I asked for in the first place. Oh well.
Here’s something that ought get you sickos excited: hot cousins Hailey and Ireland Baldwin at the Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation premiere in New York. And even though they’re just faking that kiss, I figure it’s probably enough to keep your lesbian fantasies going for a while (or at least 30-45 seconds). Anyway, if I had to pick a favorite, I think Hailey’s hotter. But still, I wouldn’t mind being the Tuna in this Baldwin sandwich. Enjoy.
Don’t worry, according to my sources, Ireland Baldwin is 19 now, so checking out this crazy hot black-and-white lingerie photoshoot of hers isn’t going to get you pervs in trouble. Well, not as long as you’re careful about where you look at these. Because it turns out, most people don’t consider a raging pants fire to be a legitimate medical emergency. Instead, they just yell at you to put your pants back on and get out of their coffee shop or they’re “calling the cops.” Go figure.
Today’s extra catch consists of Katie Cleary, Fiona Wade, Ellie Goulding, Karina Smirnoff, Anna Sophia Robb, Victoria Justice, Jill Hennessy, Giada De Laurentiis, Bella Thorne, Ireland Baldwin, Jennifer Westfeldt, Elizabeth Olsen, Shauna Baker, Talisa Noris, Maitland Ward, Dree Hemingway, Taylor Schilling, Diane Kruger, Ashley Benson, Joanna Krupa, Pamela Anderson.
There were so many hotties at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Party last night that it’s hard to keep track of them all: Rachel Hunter, Petra Nemcova, Kate Bock, Genevieve Morton, Jess Gomes, Katherine Webb, Ariel Meredith, Chrissy Teigen, Dominique Piek, Tori Praver, Natasha Barnard, Rebecca Romijn, Ireland Baldwin, Heidi Klum, Kathy Ireland. Still, I can’t believe yours truly didn’t get an invite, especially considering all the press I give them. I guess I can’t be trusted around a bunch of hot models and an open bar, which makes sense. Hell, I can barely be trusted around this post and a Starbucks without getting kicked out for violating their no pants, no service policy.
Today’s extra catch consists of Nicole Scherzinger, Heidi Klum, Pattie Mallette, Uma Thurman, Ireland Baldwin, Candice Swanepoel, Jennifer Lopez, Izabel Goulart, Carly Rae Jepsen, Sofia Reyes, Carla Ortiz, Blanca Suarez, Avril Lavigne, Bip Ling, Lindsay Ellingson, Sarah Harding, Lucy Mecklenburgh, Imogen Thomas, Denise Richards.
Once again, my invite must have gotten lost in the mail because I’m pretty sure that Adriana Lima, Miranda Kerr, Candice Swanepoel, Karolina Kurkova, Ireland Baldwin, Alessandra Ambrosio, Jessica Stam, Lily Aldridge, Erin Wasson, Jessica Stam, Linda Evangelista, Linda Cardellini and Karlie Kloss were expecting me to attend the 2013 CFDA Fashion Awards. Sorry ladies, but the USPS just isn’t what it used to be.
Want to know how I know that Ireland Baldwin is trouble? Because she’s attending a high school graduation in these pictures, and it’s not even her own. Whoops. Anyway, according to my exhaustive research, Ireland still has a few months to go before she officially graduates into adulthood, so you might want to hold off on sending any graduation party invites, you pervs. Just move it along.
So, uh, since I’m not really sure what to say about these pictures of Ireland Baldwin going paddleboarding that isn’t going to get me in trouble, I’ll just stick to the facts. According to the Internet, Ireland’s 6’2″ , 17 for another 5 months, and both her and her dad could probably kick my ass. Let’s move on.
I’m pretty sure Ireland Baldwin‘s still only 17, so don’t get too excited over these pictures of her waiting at baggage claim. You probably heard, but her dad Alec has already filed a police report against one person this week, and I’m telling you, you don’t want to become #2.