I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record saying how Kendall Jenner only became a “real” model because of her rich parents, and how she’d just be another hot Insta-wannabe with any other last name. But then she does a photoshoot like this one for Allure Magazine and I’m sorry, I know Kendall’s super-cute but she’s just doing it all wrong. I mean, everyone knows real models don’t wear anything under their see-through dresses. It’s just Fashion Model 101. And Kendall should know better by now.
Here’s my favorite fake model Kendall Jenner pretending to be a real model in the latest issue of Vogue Spain. Sorry, Vogue España. Anyway, listen, even though Kendall’s the only one in that entire family that’s cute (and doesn’t make me want to throw up in my mouth), she’s still no model. It’d be like saying just because I’m the best athlete between me and my mom, I should get to play in the NFL. Life doesn’t work that way. Well, unless you’ve got filthy rich parents, I guess.
Here’s a whole bunch of professional hotties at some Target-sponsored launch party for New York Fashion Week: Emily Ratajkowski, Chanel Iman, Hilary Rhoda, Joan Smalls, Kendall Jenner, and Nicole Trunfio. Because everyone knows smoking hot supermodels definitely shop at Target and don’t just get all their clothes for free from designers and companies to wear on Instagram, right? Whatever, I’m willing to go along with it and pretend as long as they are.
So here’s four of the most useless “models” in the business pretending to be professional bikini models in Turks & Caicos: Kylie and Kendall Jenner, Hailey Baldwin and Bella Hadid. And if you ask me, Kylie’s looking a little chubby, but there’s really no excuse for her to be fat. She doesn’t have a real job! (And no, spending your rich parents’ money doesn’t count as work.) Anyway, Kendall’s the only halfway decent one here, so just try to enjoy that, I guess. And whatever you do, don’t think about how much hotter these pictures could’ve been with four real supermodels instead of these phonies…
Out of all the wannabe supermodels out there, nobody works harder than Kendall Jenner. I swear she’s on the cover of Vogue every other month. It must cost her parents a fortune. Anyway, here she is pretending to be a real fashion model in the September issue, and I’ve gotta say, she does a halfway decent job whenever she’s not totally covered up in clothes. I’m a big fan of the 2-3 cleavage shots. But I still don’t get why Kendall can’t just pick a more realistic career, like becoming a lingerie model or a professional Snapchat hottie. Because some of these are just a total waste. If they don’t make me want to take off my pants, what’s the point? I guess I just don’t get fashion…
Here’s my favorite pair of fake model/rich kid BFFs Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin. According to my sources, they’re on their way into an Adele concert in these shots. But personally, the only show I care about is the one these two were putting on for the paps. Here’s hoping they post a few bikini selfies together for an encore.
Alright, so I know that Kendall Jenner is just another rich kid who got her parents to buy her a modeling career, and I’m supposed to think that’s lame and make fun of her and everything. But right now, I’m a little too busy drooling over these pictures of her and her fellow entitled hottie Hailey Baldwin at a birthday party for her teenage cougar sister Kylie. But don’t worry, I’ll get around to making fun of Kendall eventually. Just give me 30 seconds. 45 tops.
I know most of the Internet is busy focusing on Kim Kardashian vs. Taylor Swift right now, but I’m sorry, I couldn’t care less about any of that. So instead, I’m going to focus on something way more important: like the fact that Kim’s little sister Kendall Jenner gave us all at peek at her sexy stomach over the weekend. Now that’s news! So keep it here for any more updates as we follow this important breaking story.
Here’s my favorite rich kid model Kendall Jenner showing off her new bikini on Instagram and honestly, I really don’t understand why Kendall keeps trying to become a real supermodel when she’s so damn good at just playing a fake one on Instagram. I mean, what’s wrong with just sticking to what you’re good at? You don’t see me trying to cover politics or come up with actual funny jokes, right?
Here’s my favorite pair of rich kid fake models Kendall and Kylie Jenner in a new swimsuit shoot. And I know I like to make fun of these two and say that the only reason they get gigs like this is because their parents are rich and famous but… Sorry, I forgot where I was going with that. Oh well. Try and enjoy the Photoshopped bikini pictures anyway!
Here’s “best friends” and “professional supermodels” Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid taking the paps for a walk in Beverly Hills, and continuing to bore the crap out of me. I mean, at least we’re getting a peek at Gigi’s sexy stomach and Kendall’s sweet cleavage this time, but what ever happened to inviting your BFF and a few of your favorite photographers over for a sleepover and pillow fight? Now that’d be worth writing about.
Sorry in advance for these boring AF pictures of Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid. I guess no one told them that if they want to be considered real supermodels and not just Instagram wannabes, they have to actually give us something worth drooling over on a regular basis. Lame outfits like the one Kendall’s wearing here just aren’t going to cut it. And as for Gigi, her parents are loaded — so couldn’t she have afforded a shirt without a rip in it? Or better yet, a shirt with a rip a few inches higher and to the right and/or left? Anyway, here’s hoping these two remember to up their game next time they go out. For both our sakes’.
I knew Kendall Jenner still needed work if she wanted to get serious about this whole professional supermodel thing, but I had no idea she needed this much work. Because here she is leaving the airport and wearing her lingerie over her t-shirt. What gives? I mean, unless she’s still totally whacked out on Ambien from her flight, there’s just no excuse for this. And either way, I expected better from Kendall.
Good news: Kendall Jenner is still at the Cannes Film Festival trying to fit in with all the real supermodels and A-list actresses. And better yet, she just pulled a classic move out of the hot nobody playbook by showing up to some random premiere in a see-through dress, so I can’t ask what she’s even doing here, because I’m too distracted by all that skin to care. Well played, Kendall. Well played.