In case you forgot, I’ve got kind of a love/hate thing going with LOVE Magazine for those “boring-sexy” hottie advent calendar shoots they did for Christmas. And now they did it again. They took something theoretically good — like new Kendall Jenner pictures — and almost ruined them by slapping a giant dumb logo over the best part. Anyway, if they’re ever looking for a new art director, I’ve got a ton of great ideas. Yes, most of them involve hand-bras and sex tapes… so in other words, I could turn this thing around in no time. Call me.
Here’s Kendall Jenner out taking the paps for a walk in LA, and it’s moments like this that I’m really glad to live in an age of high-definition cameras and zoom lenses. Because maybe some of you look at these pictures and just see another boring “model” in spandex. But thanks to the magic of the “enlarge picture” button, I see a hint of nippleitis and even some toe action. Like I said, it’s a beautiful time to be alive, isn’t it?
I don’t understand Portuguese, so maybe something got lost in translation here, but I don’t really get this photoshoot that Kendall Jenner did for the latest issue of Vogue Brazil. And no, it’s not the goofy glasses that are tripping me up, or the crown or even the bunny mask. It’s the fact that Kendall’s covered up in so much clothing. Weird, right? Not to mention, a total waste of her talent, if you ask me.
Here’s the end result of those weird Kendall Jenner shark costume pictures from a couple days ago, and yeah, I think it’s safe to say that Kendall isn’t going to become a professional actress any time soon. That is, unless somebody can write a part for her that takes place entirely in the shower. Believe me, I’ve tried, but so far, no studio’s taken me up on Bath Time with the Tuna. Their loss.
Yes, that is Kendall Jenner dressed up a sexy shark. According to my sources, it’s part of her shoot for LOVE Magazine’s annual advent calendar. And I have no clue what “genius” came up with the idea to cover Kendall up in a shark costume, but if you ask me, it’s a total waste of Kendall’s talent. And by that I mean, that killer body of hers. That said, if this whole professional modeling thing doesn’t work out, I think Kendall could have a very successful career as a sexy aquarium mascot. She’s a natural.
Here’s our latest dose of Insta-porn courtesy of one of the hardest-working Instagram models in the business, Kendall Jenner. And no, I’m not entirely sure what Kendall was doing going bareback on a horse or what this picture was for, but I’m assuming this is just a normal Thanksgiving weekend for the Kardashian family. Some people eat turkey and watch football, they take naked pictures and post them on the Internet. Enjoy.
In case you forgot, Kylie Jenner is trying to become a pop star, which is pretty much as big a joke as that porn star Kim trying to become an author. But I guess that’s why her and her big sister Kendall Jenner showed up to the American Music Awards last night. Knowing that family, I’m guessing she was there to pick up a trophy they paid for, like Best New Pop Star or a Lifetime Achievement Award. But since I don’t want to encourage Kylie’s music career, instead let’s focus on her real talent: looking and dressing like a cougar even though she’s only 18. Now that’s actually impressive.
I know I like to rag on Kendall Jenner and the rest of the Kardashians and say how nobody in that family has any actual real talent. But then I saw these pictures of Kendall leaving some New York nightclub, and I take it all back. Because after this leg show, I think it’s pretty clear that OK, so maybe Kendall isn’t a real model, and she’s only famous because her sister’s a well-known porn star, but if nothing else, she knows how to dress. And that definitely counts as a talent, as far as I’m concerned.
According to my sources, it’s Kendall Jenner‘s birthday today, and to celebrate, she got us all this awesome present: a couple shots of her super-cute cleavage. Anyway, my mom always told me never to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I’m not complaining or anything, but if you ask me, getting us a “leaked” sex tape would’ve been a little more special. Oh well. There’s always Christmas.
Here’s two of the hardest-working Instagram models in the business Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid at the Balmain x H&M collection launch air-kissing for the cameras. And I just hope they got paid overtime for this lesbian fantasy. Anyway, I’m sure all that hard work took a lot out of them, so if these two need a nap, I’ve got a futon with their names on it. I’ve just got to finish clearing off a few pizza boxes and setting up the cameras.
Here’s reality TV star and Instagram model Kendall Jenner topless for some lame photoshoot. As you know Kendall is the only Kardashian I like, but photoshoots like this do nothing for me. It’s pointless. She’s not promoting a product, nor is she promoting her hotness. Total fail! Next time try laying on a bed, legs open with a can of tuna in between them. Just a personal request!
Here’s Instagram model Kendall Jenner showing off her midriff in France. As much as I’d like to hate Kendall for being part of the Kardashian family, she is the only one that is actually pretty. Not model pretty, but hot enough for me to be compelled to post pictures of her. Enjoy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Kendall Jenner just as much as the next pervert with Internet access, but I’m sorry, I just don’t see how you can put her in the same conversation as real supermodels like Joan Smalls and Lily Donaldson here. For starters, I’m pretty sure the Victoria’s Secret hotties had to earn their supermodel status, instead of having it bought for them by their parents, and second, they do a ton more sexy lingerie shoots. In other words, Kendall’s got a lot of catching up to do…
Apparently Kendall Jenner‘s in Paris right now for Fashion Week and posed for pictures with some fans. But this dude is making a classic rookie mistake. Sure, he’s getting a picture with Kendall, but he got the angle all wrong. See, look, from the front, it’s nothing special. But turn a few inches to the left, and between the side boob and the sexy booty profile, it goes from just OK to downright epic. Luckily though, the paps were on it. Somebody get those guys a Pulitzer.