Every time I do a post on Kylie Jenner, I always have to double-check what age she is. Not because I think she could be big trouble or anything, but because I still can’t believe she’s only 19 and not a 40-something cougar. It just doesn’t make any sense. So anyway, if you’re into teenage old ladies modeling swimsuits, here she is in a new photoshoot. Enjoy, I guess?
It’s my favorite day of the year, Halloween, AKA Blogger Christmas, when all the hot nobodies dress even sluttier than usual and parade around for the paps. So here’s Kylie Jenner dressed like Christina Aguilera (you know, back when she was still hot). And I know I like to rag on Kylie, but I’ve gotta admit, this is actually a pretty good look for her. Plus, if nothing else, it’s nice to see her not pretending to be her porn star big sister for once.
Kylie Jenner is looking more and more like her porn star sister these days, and here’s the teenage cougar showing off her giant Kim-like booty for the cameras. I guess having a gross, fake-looking booty just runs in the family. But luckily somehow it skipped Kendall, AKA the only one in this whole lame family that’s actually worth paying attention to these days. So let’s keep it that way and just move it along.
So here’s four of the most useless “models” in the business pretending to be professional bikini models in Turks & Caicos: Kylie and Kendall Jenner, Hailey Baldwin and Bella Hadid. And if you ask me, Kylie’s looking a little chubby, but there’s really no excuse for her to be fat. She doesn’t have a real job! (And no, spending your rich parents’ money doesn’t count as work.) Anyway, Kendall’s the only halfway decent one here, so just try to enjoy that, I guess. And whatever you do, don’t think about how much hotter these pictures could’ve been with four real supermodels instead of these phonies…
Kylie Jenner is starting to look more and more like her porn star big sister these days, and just to be clear, no, that’s not a compliment. Anyway, here’s the teenage cougar showing off her growing booty for attention in Turks and Caicos. At this rate, she’s going to out-booty Kim in another few weeks, and then maybe we can all finally stop paying attention to that overrated nobody. Fingers crossed!
Here’s my favorite pair of rich kid fake models Kendall and Kylie Jenner in a new swimsuit shoot. And I know I like to make fun of these two and say that the only reason they get gigs like this is because their parents are rich and famous but… Sorry, I forgot where I was going with that. Oh well. Try and enjoy the Photoshopped bikini pictures anyway!
Here’s professional Instagram model/aspiring cougar Kylie Jenner hard at work trying to convince the rest of us that she’s worth paying attention to. So first, she posted a couple bikini pictures online. Then she hit the streets in spandex with
her personal photographers the paparazzi. Next time though, she should just cut out the second step and invite the paps to her pool party instead. They’ve got zooms lenses and know all the best angles.
Here’s my third favorite Kardashian and teenage cougar Kylie Jenner celebrating being chosen as the new brand ambassador for some skin care company called Nip + Fab, and she’s looking pretty excited about it, if you ask me. Seriously, I’ve seen bigger smiles on Botox patients. Anyway, I’m not sure why these guys chose her as their spokesmodel, but ladies, if you want to look like you’re 18 going on 45 too, now you know Kylie’s secret.
Here’s everyone’s favorite teenage cougar Kylie Jenner doing another photoshoot, and I know this girl just turned 18 a couple months ago, but if I didn’t know better, I’d say she already looks like she’s going on 40. Anyway, I know Kylie’s trying really hard to be taken seriously as a real model these days, but maybe she’s just not going after the right companies. I wonder if Depends is looking for a new spokesmodel… It’s worth a shot.
Look, I know that Kylie Jenner is trying really hard to become a professional model these days — aka her family’s forking over a fortune to get her more work — but after this photoshoot she did for Interview Magazine, I’m sorry, I just don’t think she’s got what it takes. I mean, the whole latex cougar sex doll thing isn’t a bad concept, but that’s not the issue. The problem’s her ugly face. And OK, maybe that was mean, but I just wish Kylie would go away so we can focus on people with actual hottie potential. Like her sister Kendall.
In case you forgot, Kylie Jenner is trying to become a pop star, which is pretty much as big a joke as that porn star Kim trying to become an author. But I guess that’s why her and her big sister Kendall Jenner showed up to the American Music Awards last night. Knowing that family, I’m guessing she was there to pick up a trophy they paid for, like Best New Pop Star or a Lifetime Achievement Award. But since I don’t want to encourage Kylie’s music career, instead let’s focus on her real talent: looking and dressing like a cougar even though she’s only 18. Now that’s actually impressive.
It’s already bad enough that Kendall Jenner is a “model” and Kim Kardashian is an “author,” but now it looks like little sister Kylie Jenner has decided she’s going to become a “pop star” now that she’s all grown up. Because here’s the teenage cougar heading into a studio in LA. And I don’t know if I can take it. But maybe we can start a Kickstarter or something to help get Kylie to not put out a CD? Email me if you’d be interested in making a donation. It’s for a good cause.
Now that Kylie Jenner and Hailey Baldwin are officially “professional models,” here they are hard at work walking the streets of New York for the paps. According to my sources, my favorite Baldwin and my second-favorite Jenner just finished shooting a photoshoot here, so I guess that means this counts as a double shift. Now that’s some impressive work ethic. I hope they’re getting overtime.
Here’s Kylie Jenner at the grand opening of Sugar Factory American Brasserie in New York, because I’m pretty sure there’s a law that says you have to have at least one Kardashian on a red carpet at all times. Anyway, I know I’m probably way too old for this teenage cougar (even if I didn’t make fun of her family all the time), but I’ve gotta say, her booty is looking like a real handful here, and I mean that in a good way.