The first thing I thought when I saw these pictures? What’s that cougar doing posing in a bikini next to Kendall Jenner? Then, after I realized it was just her younger sister Kylie, I figured maybe their rich parents got some kind of a package deal for this photoshoot. 2 for the price of 1. Because according to my sources, these were taken as part of Kendall and Kylie’s “new swimwear line” for Revolve. So, ladies, if you want to look like a Hollywood rich kid/fake model or a plastic teenage cougar, now there’s a swimwear line just for you.
I know I like to make fun of Kylie Jenner for being a teenage old lady, but I’ve got to give credit where credit’s due, I think she finally found the perfect gig: no, not trying to lock down 20-something sugar daddies. Modeling sunglasses. Because apparently when you hide Kylie’s face, you pay more attention to the rest of her. I know it’s 90% plastic, but for some reason, I don’t seem to mind.
I know you guys probably think I’m being a jerk when I point out how gross and plastic Kylie Jenner is looking these days. But listen, I’d much rather be locking myself in a Starbucks bathroom with a new set of great bikini pictures right now than complaining about how Kylie looks like a teenage old lady. And I’m sorry, but enough with the fake asses already. It’s just gross.
Look, I can handle Kendall Jenner pretending to be a model. At least she’s hot. But I don’t understand why people are still booking Kylie Jenner for gigs. She reminds me way too much of her gross older sister. And no, I’m not talking about Kim. The other, even chunkier one. Anyway, here’s Kylie doing a photoshoot for Flaunt Magazine, and I guess maybe they were doing some kind of special issue on teenagers who’ve already had way too much plastic surgery and look like 40-year-old cougars? It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Every time I do a post on Kylie Jenner, I always have to double-check what age she is. Not because I think she could be big trouble or anything, but because I still can’t believe she’s only 19 and not a 40-something cougar. It just doesn’t make any sense. So anyway, if you’re into teenage old ladies modeling swimsuits, here she is in a new photoshoot. Enjoy, I guess?
It’s my favorite day of the year, Halloween, AKA Blogger Christmas, when all the hot nobodies dress even sluttier than usual and parade around for the paps. So here’s Kylie Jenner dressed like Christina Aguilera (you know, back when she was still hot). And I know I like to rag on Kylie, but I’ve gotta admit, this is actually a pretty good look for her. Plus, if nothing else, it’s nice to see her not pretending to be her porn star big sister for once.
Kylie Jenner is looking more and more like her porn star sister these days, and here’s the teenage cougar showing off her giant Kim-like booty for the cameras. I guess having a gross, fake-looking booty just runs in the family. But luckily somehow it skipped Kendall, AKA the only one in this whole lame family that’s actually worth paying attention to these days. So let’s keep it that way and just move it along.
So here’s four of the most useless “models” in the business pretending to be professional bikini models in Turks & Caicos: Kylie and Kendall Jenner, Hailey Baldwin and Bella Hadid. And if you ask me, Kylie’s looking a little chubby, but there’s really no excuse for her to be fat. She doesn’t have a real job! (And no, spending your rich parents’ money doesn’t count as work.) Anyway, Kendall’s the only halfway decent one here, so just try to enjoy that, I guess. And whatever you do, don’t think about how much hotter these pictures could’ve been with four real supermodels instead of these phonies…
Kylie Jenner is starting to look more and more like her porn star big sister these days, and just to be clear, no, that’s not a compliment. Anyway, here’s the teenage cougar showing off her growing booty for attention in Turks and Caicos. At this rate, she’s going to out-booty Kim in another few weeks, and then maybe we can all finally stop paying attention to that overrated nobody. Fingers crossed!
Here’s my favorite pair of rich kid fake models Kendall and Kylie Jenner in a new swimsuit shoot. And I know I like to make fun of these two and say that the only reason they get gigs like this is because their parents are rich and famous but… Sorry, I forgot where I was going with that. Oh well. Try and enjoy the Photoshopped bikini pictures anyway!
Here’s professional Instagram model/aspiring cougar Kylie Jenner hard at work trying to convince the rest of us that she’s worth paying attention to. So first, she posted a couple bikini pictures online. Then she hit the streets in spandex with
her personal photographers the paparazzi. Next time though, she should just cut out the second step and invite the paps to her pool party instead. They’ve got zooms lenses and know all the best angles.
Here’s my third favorite Kardashian and teenage cougar Kylie Jenner celebrating being chosen as the new brand ambassador for some skin care company called Nip + Fab, and she’s looking pretty excited about it, if you ask me. Seriously, I’ve seen bigger smiles on Botox patients. Anyway, I’m not sure why these guys chose her as their spokesmodel, but ladies, if you want to look like you’re 18 going on 45 too, now you know Kylie’s secret.
Here’s everyone’s favorite teenage cougar Kylie Jenner doing another photoshoot, and I know this girl just turned 18 a couple months ago, but if I didn’t know better, I’d say she already looks like she’s going on 40. Anyway, I know Kylie’s trying really hard to be taken seriously as a real model these days, but maybe she’s just not going after the right companies. I wonder if Depends is looking for a new spokesmodel… It’s worth a shot.