I know it probably feels like I say this every day at this point, but this time, I mean it: I just found my new favorite Russian. Her name’s Anastasia Martzipanova, and after a quick 30-45 second scroll through her Instagram, I’m convinced that the two of us are meant to be together. She’s got everything I look for in a woman: a great booty, a terrific set of funbags, and yeah, that’s pretty much it. What more do you really need?
In case any of you guys are wondering what to get your favorite bikini blogger this Valentine’s Day, here’s a hint: I just found a new Russian hottie in Reshetova Anastasia and I’m 99% sure I’m in love. My palms are all sweaty, my heart’s racing and my pants are overheating. If that’s not love, then I guess I don’t know what is. Anyway, I don’t know what the shipping and handling is on a mail-order bride, but if you guys all chip in, I bet we could afford it.
In case you guys haven’t noticed, I’ve been going through a real busty Russian phase lately. And here’s my latest find: Lily Ermak. Now, according to my research, Lily’s already married and has a kid, which means I might have a little more trouble convincing her to marry/divorce me. But considering I only had a 0.0001% chance anyway, I’m not sweating it too much. Enjoy.
Meet Masha Maximova. Pretty much the only things I can tell you guys about this hottie is that she’s Russian and that her Instagram is packed with so much hotness, it’s liable to make your phone catch on fire. Or at least your pants region, anyway. But really, how much more do you need to know? We’ve already covered all the important stuff. So just go ahead and enjoy Masha and that perfect Russian booty of hers.
Normally, when I introduce you guys to a new hottie, I’m at least able to tell you a couple things about her, like where she’s from or what she’s into. But this time, looks like I’m going to have to just make something up. So meet Dasha Anikyda. According to my “sources,” this busty Russian loves long walks on the beach and sending dirty selfies to pasty bloggers. Here’s hoping anyway. Enjoy!
I don’t normally obsess over girls I just found over the Internet — OK, fine, I do that on a daily basis, but still… After weeks of posting Russian Instababes, I think I’ve found my new favorite hottie in Galina Dub. She’s got everything I look for in a woman: a perfect bikini body and… yeah, that’s about it. And I also see she’s into video games, so there’s something for you nerds too. Like I said, she’s pretty much perfect. So enjoy.
Here’s your daily fix of pictures from Russian Instagram hotties trolling for rich sugar daddies. This time, it’s Dasha Mart. Anyway, I don’t know too much about her, other than the fact that she looks amazing in fancy hotel rooms (and I’m sure that’s good for her resume), but I bet she’s going to make some lucky bastard a great ex-wife someday.
Here’s today’s hot Russian InstaBabe for you guys: Katya Aristova. Now, other than the fact that she’s got one of the best booties I’ve seen in weeks, I don’t know much about her, since I don’t speak Russian. And also, I’m too lazy to use Google Translate and/or do more than 10 seconds of research. But do any of you guys know how to say “I’m a very important and well-respected journalist, so please date me for a green card” in Russian? I’m, uh, asking for a friend.
I know Russia is a big country and all, but I had no clue they had this many hot nobodies on Instagram. But it seems like every other day I’m coming across a new potential mail-order future ex-wife. And here’s my latest find, Marta Mayer. I don’t know much about her, besides the fact that she’s got a giant set of funbags and an Instagram full of pants-meltingly hot bikini and lingerie pictures… In other words, she’s just my type.
So I was doing my daily Instagram
creeping research earlier when I stumbled across another Russian hottie I think would make a great mail-order bride. And since I’m too poor to afford her myself (well, unless I can find a buyer for my collection of mint Burger King coupons…), I figured I might as well share her with you guys too. So meet Lena Denisova. If anyone wants to go in on this with me, maybe we can figure out a timeshare or something.
One of my favorite things about Instagram is that just when you think you’ve seen every single hot nobody/wannabe professional model there is to see, there’s always another one just a click or two away. It’s like a never-ending fountain of bikini pictures. Anyway, I want you guys to meet my latest find: Maria Martskaya. I don’t know much about her, since I don’t speak Russian, but luckily, a body this good translates in any language.
I know there’s a bunch of these Russian “Instagram stars” out there, but I love Anastasia Skyline here for two reasons. One: it sounds like she picked her fake name off the first thing she saw out the window, and two, she clearly knows her best angles. (And I guess it’s not her face.) I mean, seriously, she’s up to 1.9 million followers now, and I guarantee not a single one of them could pick Anastasia’s headshot out of a lineup. A booty shot though… I’d recognize that thing anywhere.
In case you guys didn’t get everything you wanted for Christmas, don’t worry, me and the Little Tuna didn’t either. Not a single one of my Twitter girlfriends sent me any NSFW selfie Christmas cards, and I’m still waiting on those marriage proposals. So screw it, I figured I’d get us all something we could actually use: pictures of a super-hot Russian Instagram model named Anastasia Sorokina. It’s just what you always wanted, right? Yeah, me too. You’re welcome.
I know I say this a lot, but this time it’s true: I think I’m in love with Diana Golubkova here. So what if I’d never heard of her until I stumbled across her Instagram doing my usual
stalking research? Or if I don’t know anything about her, other than the fact that she’s Russian, she’s insanely hot, has a killer bikini body and she seems to like dogs. I mean, how much more does a guy really need to know, right? Anyway, if any of you know how to say “Will you marry me for money and a green card?” in Russian, let me know. We can leave out how much money bloggers make for now… We’ll save that part for after the honeymoon.