As you know, I’m a big fan of the Russian Instagram models. They are all hot because they all look the same. I think they probably have the same plastic surgeons. Anyway, meet Anella Miller. Judging by her Instagram page, she seems expensive, but I’m sure once I reach my goal of 50 million dollars, I can own her. I’m only $49 999 999 away from that target, but I’m sure if I start a GoFundMe page, I can achieve that goal in 30 days.
I want you guys to meet my latest Russian InstaHottie find: Galinka Mirgaeva. Now, according to my research, a bunch of people have said she looks like Angelina Jolie or something, and I don’t know, I don’t really see it. But maybe that’s just because my eyes haven’t made it all the way up to her face yet. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll get there eventually.
I know a lot of you cynics out there don’t believe in love at first sight, but luckily me and the Little Tuna are little more romantic than that. And after checking out a few pictures from my latest Russian Instagram find Yuliya Ekaterinburg, I think I’m definitely in love. Or at least the Little Tuna is anyway. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that the quickest way to a man’s heart isn’t through his stomach, it’s through his pants.
I don’t know if you guys have been following the news much, but there’s been a whole lot of talk about “inappropriate contact” with Russians lately. And I know that’s not great if you’re a politician. Treason, or whatever. But what about if you’re a blogger? Because from where I’m sitting, I’d sign up for some inappropriate contact with Alena Mills here in a split-second. Yow!
So I know that usually whenever I introduce you guys to a new Insta-hottie, I can’t tell you much you can’t already see with your own eyes. But I actually did more than 30 seconds worth of research on Valeria Boyko here (a new personal best!). And it turns out this Ukrainian hottie is a former ballerina and now works as a TV host/model. Oh, and she’s also married to some Ukrainian soccer star, but I’m pretty sure that won’t last long once she finds out she’s caught the Tuna’s eye. …Stop laughing. That wasn’t supposed to be a punchline.
I know I’ve been posting a lot of Russian Insta-hotties lately, but here’s one for you nerds today: Nyta Chernova. I’m not sure what you guys are going to dig more, this awesome Instagram video of Nyta struggling to squeeze a pair of jeans over her killer booty or the fact that a woman this hot actually knows who Batman is. But either way, just please try to enjoy it, instead of sending both of us hate mail about how Superman’s “obviously better.”
I don’t know much about Diana Melison here — well, besides the obvious, like the fact that she’s a walking five-alarm pants fire. But I managed to tear myself away from “researching” her Instagram long enough to learn that the Russian hottie’s also an actress. And that’s great news, because I just came up with the perfect movie idea for her. See, it’s about a Russian model who falls in love with a pasty American blogger, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be the next great Hollywood romance. Like 50 Shades. Only good. Call me!
So I was doing my daily Instagram
creeping research earlier, and came across something I wanted to share with you guys: meet Diana Dollmatova. I can’t tell you much about this busty Russian, but I already think I’m in love. My palms are all sweaty, my heart’s racing and my pants region is overheating. If that’s not love, I guess I don’t know what is.
I know it probably feels like I say this every day at this point, but this time, I mean it: I just found my new favorite Russian. Her name’s Anastasia Martzipanova, and after a quick 30-45 second scroll through her Instagram, I’m convinced that the two of us are meant to be together. She’s got everything I look for in a woman: a great booty, a terrific set of funbags, and yeah, that’s pretty much it. What more do you really need?
In case any of you guys are wondering what to get your favorite bikini blogger this Valentine’s Day, here’s a hint: I just found a new Russian hottie in Reshetova Anastasia and I’m 99% sure I’m in love. My palms are all sweaty, my heart’s racing and my pants are overheating. If that’s not love, then I guess I don’t know what is. Anyway, I don’t know what the shipping and handling is on a mail-order bride, but if you guys all chip in, I bet we could afford it.
In case you guys haven’t noticed, I’ve been going through a real busty Russian phase lately. And here’s my latest find: Lily Ermak. Now, according to my research, Lily’s already married and has a kid, which means I might have a little more trouble convincing her to marry/divorce me. But considering I only had a 0.0001% chance anyway, I’m not sweating it too much. Enjoy.
Meet Masha Maximova. Pretty much the only things I can tell you guys about this hottie is that she’s Russian and that her Instagram is packed with so much hotness, it’s liable to make your phone catch on fire. Or at least your pants region, anyway. But really, how much more do you need to know? We’ve already covered all the important stuff. So just go ahead and enjoy Masha and that perfect Russian booty of hers.
Normally, when I introduce you guys to a new hottie, I’m at least able to tell you a couple things about her, like where she’s from or what she’s into. But this time, looks like I’m going to have to just make something up. So meet Dasha Anikyda. According to my “sources,” this busty Russian loves long walks on the beach and sending dirty selfies to pasty bloggers. Here’s hoping anyway. Enjoy!
I don’t normally obsess over girls I just found over the Internet — OK, fine, I do that on a daily basis, but still… After weeks of posting Russian Instababes, I think I’ve found my new favorite hottie in Galina Dub. She’s got everything I look for in a woman: a perfect bikini body and… yeah, that’s about it. And I also see she’s into video games, so there’s something for you nerds too. Like I said, she’s pretty much perfect. So enjoy.