Supposedly this super-hot picture of Selena Gomez wearing nothing but a towel is from some series Mario Testino shot, and I’m sorry, but I just don’t get it. How come when a famous photographer asks a hottie like Selena to pose for him in a towel, it’s no problem, but when I do it, I’m considered a creepy pervert? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong… Unless maybe I shouldn’t just be in a towel too.
I may never understand what a pop star hottie like Selena Gomez is doing as the official spokesmodel for Adidas, but the way I see it, the more photoshoots like this that Selena does, the better. For us, at least. Because I don’t know if all these shots of Selena showing off her sexy stomach and legs in spandex are going to help sell more workout gear, but I bet Kleenex sales start going through the roof. Enjoy.
In case any of you are wondering what’s with all the amateur paparazzi behind Selena Gomez in these shots, I’m guessing it probably has something to do with the fact that the hottie went braless in New York. Presumably to distract us from the fact she’s put on a few extra pounds — and it’s definitely working. But here’s what separates those amateur paps from the pros: the pros know it’s a much better angle from the front. That’s years of experience right there. Enjoy.
I don’t know what’s been up with Selena Gomez lately, but she’s starting to turn into a real chubster these days. And I know everybody thinks us bloggers are just cold, heartless bastards who only care about themselves, but I’m genuinely worried about Selena. I mean, if she keeps this up, it’s just not healthy… for the Little Tuna. Oh, and her too, I guess.
I can’t remember the last time we saw Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez hanging out together, but it’s been a while. I always figured Selena was probably just jealous that I named Taylor the hottest pop star in the business. But I’m really glad to see the two pop hotties together again and that they’ve presumably kissed and made up. I just wish the paps had been there to catch that part on camera too.
I know music videos aren’t as big of a deal as they used to be, but they might as well just stop making them entirely from now, because Taylor Swift just made the greatest one of all-time with “Bad Blood.” It’s got cameos from a whole bunch of hotties like Lily Aldridge, Zendaya, Hayley Williams, Gigi Hadid, Karlie Kloss, Jessica Alba, Martha Hunt, Ellen Pompeo, Cara Delevingne, Cindy Crawford, and Selena Gomez. And I’m going to have to watch it a few hundred more times just to make sure I didn’t miss anyone.
Look, I know I’ve been a little rough on Selena Gomez lately, and calling her a “chunkster” probably isn’t helping. But hey, even though she’s put on a few pounds, she’s still a cute chunkster. Besides, I’m sure Selena could work the weight off in no time if she just put her mind to it and got on my Tuna exercise plan. Trust me, just thinking about doing 30-45 seconds of “cardio” with yours truly is enough to make any hottie lose their appetite.
Selena Gomez posted this video from bed on her Instagram and while unfortunately it’s not the video us
fans perverts have been waiting for, there’s still a couple interesting takeaways from it: one, that she sleeps naked and two, that she has trouble sleeping sometimes. Luckily for Selena, I’ve got a patented method for falling asleep. It involves 30-45 seconds of vigorous exercise, and I’m out like a light afterwards. And I’d be more than happy to record it for her. My phone takes great video.
I know I’ve been kind of hard on Selena Gomez lately, calling her chunky and saying she looks better with clothes on. But I’m not trying to be mean here, I just want the best for her. OK, fine, I want the best for me and the Little Tuna… But the better Selena looks, the better it is for all of us. She gets more work and we get more sexy photoshoots in return. It’s a win-win.
I have a feeling I might get some angry emails for this, but here’s Selena Gomez attending some charity event called We Day, and after those pictures of Selena looking a little chunky in a swimsuit last month, I think I might actually prefer her wearing clothes. Which is a sad day for us all. So, speaking of charity, I’d be happy to help Selena get on an exercise plan free of charge. It involves 30 seconds of vigorous cardio with an out-of-shape blogger 3 days a week (maybe 45 if we’re going for a new personal best). And just think of how many lives we could improve. Starting with mine.
Look, I love Selena Gomez as much as the next pervert with a working set of eyes, but I first noticed a few months back that Selena was starting to put on a few pounds. And don’t let the killer cleavage in these new swimsuit pictures distract you, she’s definitely gotten chubbier — here’s proof. Hmm, actually, on second thought, you might want to go ahead and distract yourself with Selena’s cleavage after all. It’s the only spot where I don’t mind that she’s gotten a little bigger.
Because I’m a pro, I was doing some very important “research” earlier, when I came across these: a pair of seriously hot swimsuit pictures that Selena Gomez exclusively shared with yours truly (and, you know, another 27 million of her followers). And now I get to share them with you perverts. So there, it turns out obsessively creeping hotties’ Instagrams all day does pay off. Who’s wasting their life now, Mom? Just wait until I finally get that Pulitzer.
Here’s Selena Gomez back with another sexy photoshoot for Adidas, and as much as I’m digging the shots, I still don’t get whose bright idea it was to make Selena a spokesmodel. And I don’t really get how these pictures are supposed to help sell more shoes. Sweatpants, maybe. Or Kleenex. Or Costco-sized tubs of hand lotion. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to have to restock on all three after this. But hey, at least somebody’s making money off this, right?