I know that when it comes to Victoria’s Secret models, Lindsay Ellingson isn’t as popular as some of the other girls. At first I didn’t get it, because she’s clearly just as hot as they are. But now I think I’ve finally figured out why. It’s because she doesn’t know how to wear a handbra properly. In which case, I’d be more than happy to help teach her. So call me, Lindsay and we’ll set up a private hands-on tutoring session in my bedroom. I even personally guarantee results. For one of us, at least.
Meet new Victoria’s Secret girl Andreea Diaconu. I still don’t like that the company got rid of one of my favorite supermodels in Miranda Kerr, but this new shoot from Andreea is starting to help me get over it. So just imagine what setting me up on a date with her would do. Let’s make it happen people.
Good news guys, it looks like Adriana Lima took a break from her mom duties for something much more important: her MILF duties, by getting back into lingerie for Victoria’s Secret. I’m glad to see she’s got her priorities in order, unlike some hot moms. So enjoy the pictures. And if Adriana keeps this up, she’s going to run away with the 2013 MILF of the Year title. Fingers crossed.
I like to keep up on all the latest Victoria’s Secret Angels, because I know that one day that knowledge is going to come in handy. For instance, if I ever go on a game show or something, I’d be able to tell you that Erin Heatherton looks crazy hot in lingerie and won’t go on a date with me, no matter how many times I ask her out on Twitter. I’m going to totally dominate on Wheel of Fortune.
I know it’s hard keeping up with all the lingerie hotness we’re constantly getting from Victoria’s Secret, like these latest shots from Erin Heatherton. So take it from me, it’s important to pace yourself. I recommend drinking plenty of fluids and taking regular breaks. You also might want to wear loose-fitting clothing to avoid stretching them out. Why do you think I wear sweatpants to work? It’s not just for fashion, they’re functional too.
Here’s Brazilian hottie Raica Oliveira posing for a Victoria’s Secret photoshoot in a sexy green bikini. I don’t know too much about her, but I just discovered that Raica may have the best supermodel booty ever! Just look at that thing. Doesn’t it make you want to sink your teeth into it? Absolutely delicious!
Now that Erin Heatheron‘s a Victoria’s Secret Angel, she’s got a few more responsibilities. And it goes beyond just looking ridiculously hot in lingerie — although judging from this shoot, she’s already got that part down. No, Erin’s also expected to represent the brand in other ways, like meeting up with certain bloggers for lunch dates. Otherwise I’m pretty sure they take away your wings. OK, so I know that’s BS, but shhh, don’t blow this for me. Did I say lunch dates? I meant bedroom dates.
The latest couple times we’ve seen Behati Prinsloo shoots for Victoria’s Secret, she’s been all covered for some lame “casual wear” shots on a park bench somewhere. So I was really glad to come across these pictures and see that the company’s finally come to their senses and gotten Behati back into lingerie, like nature intended. It’s about damn time.
I’ve gotta admit, sometimes it’s hard to come up with new things to say about all these lingerie shoots, but when you’ve got pictures of Adriana Lima going topless for Victoria’s Secret, these posts pretty much write themselves. Especially when I know that none of you will be able to make it past the words “Adriana Lima” and “topless” before heading straight to the pictures. I could probably just post a banana bread recipe here and you guys wouldn’t even notice. But I’m not going to, because that recipe is a family secret. So sorry to the one dude out there who got more excited about that than these pictures. Better luck next time.
I don’t know what’s going on today, but it’s like somebody switched my coffee for decaf. I knew I shouldn’t have told that Starbucks barista my name was Seymour Butts. Luckily though, these shots of Doutzen Kroes for Victoria’s Secret are just the thing to perk me back up. One look at Doutzen in lingerie and suddenly I’m feeling very alert. Well, part of me is anyway. So I think it might be time to go back to sleep and have a few amazing dreams starring me, Doutzen and that cute barista.
I know Elsa Hosk isn’t as big a name as some of the other Victoria’s Secret hotties like Candice Swanepoel or Alessandra Ambrosio, but I think this latest set of pictures could change all that. In fact, after careful inspection, I’d put Elsa’s cute little booty in the company’s Top 5. So where have they been hiding it for so long? And why didn’t they hold an introductory press conference for it back when Elsa signed on? The public has a right to know.
Xenia Deli is one of my favorite models these days, and if for some insane reason, she’s not one of your favorites yet, just check out her latest Victoria’s Secret shoot. That booty is practically perfect. I say practically because obviously there’s always room for improvement. And more importantly, because I don’t want Xenia’s self-esteem to get too high or else I’ll never be able to convince her to become my future ex-wife. That part is already hard enough when her manager won’t put any of my calls through. What a dick.
I don’t care how your morning was going, because no matter what, today’s officially a good day, because I’ve got a new set of Candie Swanepoel bikini pictures for Victoria’s Secret. So forget whining to your coworkers about your commute or bitching about how swamped you are this week. Just take one look at that perfect booty and nothing else will matter. But first, a disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for the fact that you won’t be able to get any work done for the rest of the day after looking at these pictures. That said, go ahead and enjoy them. I’m not your boss.
It wasn’t long ago that some chick from Victoria’s Secret said that they would never use Kate Upton because “she was too obvious, too blond, and has the kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy”. Now I don’t completely disagree with this nut, but she did overlook that fact that Kate has the greatest rack in the business and if you’re a major lingerie company, you want those in your portfolio. Anyway, turns out Victoria’s Secret decided to use an old photo of Kate in their recent catalog, which can only mean: new Kate Upton Victoria’s Secret Lingerie sets are on their way.