Yawn. Anyone else remember when Scarlett Johansson had boobs and actually used to show them off? Instead, the only thing she’s showing off now is her lame hipster haircut for some boring photoshoot for Variety. And it’s enough to make me want to go take a nap and dream about the good old days. You know, back before Scarlett got boring.
I know she’s had it for a while now, but I’m still not digging this short haircut of Scarlett Johansson‘s. And I don’t know why she hasn’t started growing it out again. You’d think the approval of a pasty blogger who lives in his mom’s basement would mean everything to an A-list hottie like Scarlett… OK, OK, stop laughing and just enjoy this spread she did for the May issue of Cosmopolitan, you jerks.
Since you guys seemed to dig Scarlett Leithold so much the last time I did a post on her (and more importantly, because I did too), here’s a sexy new photoshoot from the blonde hottie. And don’t let the fact that she used to date Justin Bieber or something bother you, it’s not like any of us losers have got a chance with her. But that’s not going to stop me from proposing to her via Twitter anyway. Like the old saying goes, you can’t know if you don’t
try propose to a random hot stranger until you get blocked, right? Wish me luck!
One of the reasons I started this site in the first place was to be able to introduce the world to my new favorite hotties. The other? To try and convince those same hotties to date me… So far, I’m batting 0 for 3,000, but I figure there’s always a first time for everything. And here’s hoping that’s the case with Scarlett Leithold here. Supposedly the blonde hottie used to date Justin Bieber or something, but that just means she’s got terrible taste in men, so hey, maybe I’ve got a chance after all!
Here’s Scarlett Johansson at the LA premiere of Avengers: Age Of Ultron, and I know I should be more used to it by now, but I’m sorry. The third time’s not the charm. I still can’t get behind this awful lesbian haircut of Scarlett’s. That said, maybe if she paired it with a bikini or some skintight booty shorts, that might change my mind. I guess there’s only one way to find out, right?
I don’t know about you guys, but I wasn’t a fan the first time Scarlett Johansson cut off all her hair, and I’m definitely not digging this new ‘do. Here she is at the G’Day USA Gala, and I’m sorry, but if Scarlett really wanted to copy Miley Cyrus, why couldn’t she have just done the whole topless Instagram and booty-shaking thing and skipped the lesbian haircut? No, seriously, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. I really don’t get it.
Listen, I like Scarlett Johansson as much as the next guy with a working set of eyes, but yikes. I’m definitely not digging the new haircut on her in these pictures from a charity fundraiser in New York. I don’t know why hotties keep doing this, but short hair is never a good look. I mean, it only worked for Miley Cyrus because she kept getting topless and showing off her booty to distract us. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. Maybe this could still work for Scarlett after all.
Everyone’s favorite soon-to-be-MILF Scarlett Johansson made the cover of Vanity Fair for May, and delivered one seriously awesome photoshoot thanks to those growing baby bumps of hers. Still, I don’t get how Vanity Fair‘s able to land a busty shoot with Scarlett and I can’t. Oh right, because they’re a “respected publication” with “professional photographers” and I’m just a dude in his mom’s basement with an iPhone. Whatever. It’s all politics.
It’s still way too early to tell if Scarlett Johansson‘s baby bumps are getting any bigger — trust me, because I’ve been studying these pictures pretty closely all morning. But that said, all that “research” paid off, because I did notice one thing from these shots of Scarlett at the UK premiere of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. It’s that I spent so much time focusing on her cleavage these last few posts, I totally forgot about the other part of her that’s about to get bigger too: that awesome booty. You know, I think I finally get why people care about this stupid pregnancy thing so much.
In case you hadn’t noticed, this site isn’t exactly a mommy blog, even though I’m just as interested in charting celebrity baby bumps as any of those places. Only I just so happen to focus on a slightly different region. And luckily for me, Scarlett Johansson is making that job a whole lot easier by continuing to bust out her cleavage on the red carpet. So here she is at the Paris premiere of Captain America: The Winter Soldier and stay tuned for updates, because I plan on following this story very closely over the next few months. And I can’t wait to see how it all develops.
I know there’s been a lot of talk lately about whether Scarlett Johansson‘s knocked up or not, so I’m guessing people will be studying these shots of her at the Captain America: The Winter Soldier premiere pretty closely looking for evidence. But they’re all looking in the wrong place. See, I’ve discovered a pretty foolproof way of telling how far along a celebrity hottie is just by looking at their funbags. So if anyone wants to know for sure, I’d be more than happy to use my expertise to determine how far along Scarlett is. And while sure, I could probably do this over the Internet, it’ll be way more accurate if I do it in person. It’ll also be way more fun. For me, at least.
So apparently Scarlett Johansson made the cover of Dazed & Confused Magazine‘s Spring 2014 issue (whatever that is). And I have to say, after looking at the pictures, I’m a little confused too. Mostly why these pictures aren’t way hotter and why they put Scarlett in this much clothing. I guess I just don’t understand fashion magazines, but I thought the point was to sell copies, not put your readers to sleep. No wonder people say print is dead.