I know you guys think I’ve got a pretty sweet job, considering all I have to do is creep Instagram for pictures of hotties and crack dumb jokes five days a week. I don’t even have to get dressed. And normally, I’d agree with you. But after watching this behind-the-scenes video of Alexis Ren doing her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue photoshoot, I’m not sure so anymore. Because sure, I may get to enjoy the pictures, but these lucky bastards get a front row, hands-on seat. I think I got into the wrong line of work.
I guess Rita Ora‘s music career isn’t going too well these days, because she’s been doing an awful lot of modeling lately. Mostly on social media, but here she is doing a legit photoshoot. I’m not sure what exactly she’s supposed to be modeling in these artsy black-and-white shots. I think it might be her sideboob? Either way, I’d buy it.
I know I like to talk a lot of trash about the state of the modeling industry, and how it’s practically 90% rich kid wannabes and professional Insta-hotties these days, but then I see something like this new lingerie photoshoot from a genuine supermodel like Emily Ratajkowski and it totally restores my faith in this business. And the fire in my pants region. Yow.
I’m not gonna lie, back in the day, I was convinced Britney Spears was all washed up, and that it was all over for her. Unless she went on Dancing With the Stars or something. But she’s really managed to turn it around and make a major comeback. And I’m seriously impressed. Just to be clear, I’m talking about her hotness here, not her career. I’m not really sure how that one’s going, but the other is off the charts!
I don’t know if people are starting to get bored of Kate Upton or what, but it feels like we don’t see nearly as much of the busty hottie as we used to. And that’s a shame, because she’s still a total pants fire in a bikini. But the good news is Kate made the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue again, and the even better news is they had her model one of my all-time favorite swimsuits: the hand bra.
I’m guessing you guys probably heard, but according to my sources it was Valentine’s Day yesterday. And at first I thought it was a little weird I didn’t hear from my former crush Miley Cyrus. But then I remembered that’s just our thing. You know, where I drool over her in lingerie and she pretends not to know/care that I exist. It’s one of the world’s greatest love stories. Anyway, I’m pretty sure these pictures were meant for me, not this Liam Hemsworth dude, but I’m happy to share, so enjoy.
I know because I love Bella Thorne, I’m supposed to pretend that she’s a real musical artist and not just another Autotuned wannabe/professional social media star. But I’m sorry. I just can’t do it. This “song” is generic garbage. Anyway, even though I may not enjoy Bella’s music, at least I can still enjoy her music videos… on mute.
I’m not really sure what’s weirder about this new Kendall Jennerphotoshoot, that a sneaker company hired someone famous for doing nothing all day to be their official spokesmodel, or that their new clothing line seems to include a track suit with a denim skirt. I don’t know if Adidas is trying to get into the fashion business or what, but that’s almost as ridiculous as the idea of calling Kendall a real supermodel. Oh wait.